Bizzy Girl's World

No more bones in the closet

2010-09-12T20:01:00.007-04:00

The unplanned child of a young, unmarried Italian-American woman, I was given up for adoption in a town just outside of Toronto, Canada in the fall of 1969. My mother had been quietly ushered out of the country, and away from the only home she had ever known, a quiet community in the midwest, before her belly began to swell so that no one would know, and people wouldn't think poorly of her family. It wouldn't be until after I was born, put up for adoption and officially out of the picture before she would be welcomed back into the fold.

My grandmother, a proud and determined woman, insisted that my existence be completely concealed. She could not have her relatives learn of her daughter's immoral indiscretion. It would shame the entire family. My mother was acutely aware of the fact that she has almost ruined her family's reputation, and spent the rest of her parents' lives trying to make it up to them.

We were reunited in 2000, and a reunion with my grandparents followed in the summer of 2001. It was a cordial visit. We had dinner and listened to my grandfather's lively mealtime banter, but other than this there was no dialogue. They gave me family photos to look at, but no one wanted to know about my life or learn anything about me. I left the meeting feeling emotionally bruised and incredibly disappointed. I longed to build a relationship with my newly found family, but my mother told me that she would never be able to introduce me to any of my relatives while my grandmother was alive. She had to respect her wishes.

On Sunday, August 29th, 2010, my grandmother passed away at the age of 86. The day of the burial there were about 80 friends and family members in attendance. During the luncheon afterward my mother made the official announcement that she had a daughter she gave up for adoption 41 years ago. While the family was excited to hear this news, they were rather shocked that they had kept me a secret all these years. I'm willing to bet that it wouldn't have made any difference to them had they known about me ten years ago.

It will be interesting to see if life outside the closet is all it's cut out to be...

How I became a CUAO*

2010-05-25T23:31:00.005-04:00

December 31, 2007. It was New Year's Eve and I was spending it alone and depressed. The man I had been in an exclusive relationship for the past year and a half had blown me off on this special occasion after not having hardly even acknowledged my existence over the Christmas holidays, choosing instead to spend it with his ex-wife and in-laws. I was feeling like a fool, and was very, very sad.

It was supposed to have been a wonderful New Year's this year. He spoke of getting all his friends together at his place and hosting a party. I was going to meet his 'posse' for the first time, and I was so excited about this. Meeting his buddies was just another stepping stone in our relationship, further cementing his commitment to me. At the eleventh hour he ended up deciding against doing the party, citing some watered down reason that didn't make any sense. There were so many of these things he said we would do that never came to fruition: trips to Niagara-on-the-Lake and Jamaica, sailing in Greece. He had me believing that he actually planned on doing these things with me one day in the near future.

About a week into 2008 he dumped me via email after standing me up for a dinner date saying he 'just wanted to be by myself for awhile'. I was so hurt by his cavalier dismissal that I couldn't even muster a reply to his message. I never spoke to or heard from him again.

It was at this juncture in my life when I came upon The Rules. This last relationship catastrophe out of several before it was the final straw for me that put me in that place where I was open to a new dogma and a fresh perspective. I realized I was doing something dreadfully wrong, but as my modus operandi was to be as accommodating, happy and easygoing as possible in my relationships I couldn't for the life of me figure out what could be the matter. I was completely and utterly confused and frustrated.

The Rules book was familiar to me as it had been in publication since 1995, but to be honest I sort of rolled my eyes at it initially thinking it was some kind of radical do-whatever-it-takes-to-get-a-man type piece of writing that you might find in Lonely Woman's Weekly. I assumed it was meant for desperate, conniving, opportunistic women with an agenda.

Boy was I wrong.

I was stunned at how the book seemed to have been written with ME in mind. Every possible mistake a woman could make in her quest to find Mr. Right is listed in this book, and I was both shocked and dismayed to learn that I had made every single one of them...bar none. I read and reread the book until its principles were deeply rooted in my consciousness. After digesting its message I can say with 100% confidence that I would still be in a relationship today had I followed The Rules.

However, the Universe works in interesting ways, and I have no regrets. When all was said and done it took me all of two days to get over him, which only reinforced the gut feelings I had throughout our relationship that it wasn't 'right'. Being so taken with him I wasn't able to see with clear vision, but in the end he revealed his true colours to me. He was devious and dishonest, virtually devoid of character, and had, as my father so eloquently put it, 'a very robust ego' that was so big it was a wonder there was room for me in his life at all. He was not, as it turned out, a good match for me, so he actually did me a favour!

I am no longer resentful of his behaviour and treatment of me. Instead I am grateful to him for bringing me to The Rules, which will eventually lead me to the person with whom I was meant to be all along.

*Creature Unlike Any Other

Photo courtesy Smatterbrains

Long weekend musings

2010-05-24T23:12:00.004-04:00

Sigh...I want to live here.

I weighed in at Mum's today (I don't own a scale of my own personal choice). I'm down to 145lbs!

Thinking of trying speed dating again. Wondering if I'm insane.

I'm sure gonna miss that Bauer dude on Monday nights.

Fergie...WTF???

A Day at the Beach(es)

2010-05-23T18:07:00.011-04:00

Today Kelly and I enjoyed a lovely brekkie at a place just down the street from her apartment. Doing my level best to adhere to my diet, I ordered two eggs scrambled, bacon and rye toast. It came with home fries, which I ignored, and I only had one slice of the toast - no jam. I asked if they had any fruit, and they did not. There were a couple half slices of orange on my plate as a garnish, so I ate that, and I only ate three pieces of the bacon (three slices is actually one serving, and the calorie count is over 200!).

Then we went for a stroll and hopped the TTC down to The Beaches. It had been six years since I'd been down there, and it was such a beautiful day that we couldn't resist taking advantage of it. We did a little shopping, and happened across Kew Beach United Church, where my father and stepmother were married almost 30 years ago! It was in much better repair at that time, unfortunately.

We stopped for bubble tea, and then proceeded to the Boardwalk to people- and dog-watch. A young girl approached us with a collection of seashells asking us if we would like to purchase any, as she was raising funds to buy her friend a birthday present. At 25 cents each we couldn't say no....

How I Did It

2010-05-22T12:40:00.005-04:00

Up until recently I've not been taking very good care of myself. I didn't care what I ate, led an inactive lifestyle, and wasted endless hours of time on the internet. Then, on April 25, 2010 I found myself at an emergency animal hospital facing the euthanasia of my beloved calico, Hermione. She had battled for weeks with kidney failure, and all my attempts at returning her to good health failed. It was a terrible day.

After having to make that dreadful decision something switched in me. I decided that I had to take charge of my life and stop wasting it. I began taking an interest in my own health and well-being, as I had suddenly come to the realization that if I was going to lead the life I wanted, it was up to me and me alone. At the time I weighed 152lbs, which at barely over 5ft tall is considered overweight. I was not exercising at all.

I began the South Beach Diet, which I had done back in 2003 with phenomenal results, shedding 23lbs. A friend at work had mentioned she was going on the diet as well, so I decided I would join her. Over the next two weeks I dropped 6 lbs and my body shape started changing dramatically. At the same time I started the habit of going for a 1/2 hour brisk walk in the afternoon, which really helped me get over that afternoon slump. I amazed myself at the level of will power I had when treats were offered me - I simply had no interest in them.

I am staying the course now until the end of July, at which time I will be back to my perfect weight of 120lbs. I enjoy exercising, whereas I did not before, and find that I am feeling and looking much better. It is all of these outcomes that have spurred me to stick with it and embrace my new lifestyle.

This morning I had an amazing breakfast of old fashioned oatmeal (not the instant kind) cooked with low-fat milk. I added to it blueberries, chopped walnuts, cinnamon and 1/2 tsp of real organic maple syrup. It was FANTASTIC. After that I did some Yoga Booty Ballet and I feel great.

I'm so happy and grateful to have finally taken charge of my life to live it the way I've always wanted!

Time for a change

2010-05-20T22:55:00.002-04:00

I have about three blogs on the go right now and a Linked In profile. I have a job that keeps me so busy that it completely consumes 75% of my waking hours. My boys are getting older and needing more of my attention instead of less, and they don't get much from their father.

Some big changes are on the horizon for us...

Visitation

2008-10-03T23:41:00.004-04:00

Blue Jay (Cyanocitta cristata)
Originally uploaded by ozoni11.

My father used to be a big fan of the Toronto Blue Jays. Before he got sick we would sometimes go with him to see them play. When we were in the outdoors and caught a rare sighting of this handsome bird, Dad would quip "There's Kelly Gruber." He owned more of his favourite baseball team's paraphernalia than anyone I'd ever known.

He was diabetic since he was sixteen years old, and by the time he reached sixty his condition had worsened to the point where his organs started failing on him. He fought to stay well as long as possible, and did his best to enjoy life and took great pleasure in my two sons, his only grandchildren at the time. He thought they were the neatest kids in the world. Dad passed away peacefully in his sleep in his 67th year after having deteriorated to a wisp of a man - nothing at all like the fun-loving guy everyone knew.

The boys and I were out golfing the other day. It was threatening to rain, but shortly after we got started the sun came out and the weather turned beautiful. My oldest son was having a difficult time with his game, and was getting very frustrated. He was snapping off at his brother and I out of exasperation, and we were all very tense. When we reached the seventh hole, we had calmed ourselves. I told the boys that their Grandpa would have loved to be with us on the green like this, and I smiled to myself as I envisioned how proud he would have been of them trying to learn what used to be a favourite hobby of his.

Josh's first shot on the 7th hole ended up slicing, but not too far from the green on the other side of a small hill. Not wanting him to get frustrated again I cheerfully told him to just toss his ball over the hill and we wouldn't count it. He took his next shot from about 15 feet away from the hole, and we all watched in amazement as his ball careened straight to the hole, ricocheted off the flagpole, which was hadn't taken out yet, came back and rolled right in! The shot was a complete fluke, and we were all so surprised and delighted by it. I gave Josh a high five.

As we were leaving and proceeding through a wooded area to the 8th hole, a lovely Blue Jay landed on the ground in front of me. He paused for a moment, and then flew up into the trees joining another two or three jays high up in the trees. I felt Dad's presence instantly, and realized that he had helped Josh make that last shot. I felt sad and deeply missing him at that moment. The cruel reality that his life had been cut so short by a disease that wracked his body and deprived him of a full life is something that I have never been able to accept.

The incident demonstrated the glimmer that Dad was at peace and enjoying being able to interact with his grandsons in a way that he never could in the physical world. Still, it would be nice to be able to see him and hear his voice again...even just for a second.

-Photo courtesy of my Flickr friend, Michael

Just when you think you know someone

2008-09-06T00:26:00.002-04:00

So the other day I'm at lunch with a mutual friend I had with a recent ex. She split up with his best friend in what appeared to be a hasty and surprising move just a couple of months after they bought a brand new house together. My ex seemed to think it was a petty reaction on her part to his friend's occasional bouts of hot temper and impulsive nature. I could hear him rolling his eyes when he told me about it during a phone call he made to me one night to cancel our plans because he had to help his friend 'deal' with the situation.

During our lunch conversation my friend asked me what happened to me and my ex. She told me that her boyfriend didn't like me and was very jealous of me, and she had wondered if he secretly had feelings for my ex. She found it interesting that my ex had broken up with me at the same time that everything went down with her and his friend.

It was then that she gave me the shock of my life.

All four of us had gone out for a nice dinner one evening, during which my ex's friend had a sudden and quite random temper tantrum over something so obscure that no one seemed to know why he was exploding in the first place. She explained to me that that was just a tiny taste of what she tolerated from him on a daily basis. They were seeing a counselor to help them with their relationship. It was required that they attend some of the sessions alone instead of as a couple. On a day when she was required to meet the counselor individually, he sat her down and looked her square in the eye. He told her that she needed to do exactly as he said and get out of the house immediately. He instructed her to get as far away from him as she could as soon as she could and as quietly as she could. He told her he wasn't joking. Her life was in danger.

As if it wasn't surprising enough to learn that this man, who seemed nothing more than a lovable buffoon to me, was actually a ticking time bomb, she then tells me something even more terrible. We knew that she had a problem with him falling asleep in his kids' bed when he tucked them in, and felt it was very inappropriate. My ex and I just figured she didn't understand because she didn't have kids of her own. It's not uncommon for a parent to crash at the child's beside out of sheer exhaustion. She then told me that on one occasion she walked into his daughter's bedroom and found him on the bed with her, his daughter was playing with his genitals.

"This is what we do when we're bored," was the explanation the daughter offered her.

I am thanking the Universe, God, Buddha, Ganesh and whoever else is out there that my ex did me the favour of ending our relationship, and thus my connection with this sick freak. I just hope his kids get the help they are desperately going to need.

It takes all kinds...

2008-08-24T12:28:00.003-04:00

Since becoming enlightened I have found a new level of appreciation and patience for my fellow man. However whenever I witness something happening to someone that upsets their life in such a way that it looks completely hopeless it will ever be turned around, I can't help but take on some of the emotional burden.

Through many difficult life lessons and being fortunate enough to have an open mind to learn from them, I have come to realize that the happiness we have in life is not due to success or from external forces, but just the opposite. If we go through life thinking that we are victims of circumstance and that we have no control over our own happiness, then we are doomed to have nothing more than a life of thoughtless accidents.

As grateful as I am that I don't fall into the above category, I still find myself slipping back into the human habit of getting caught up in the physical world once in awhile. I have to stop feeling as if it is my responsibility to 'fix' everyone so they can also realize for the first time what they are doing to themselves. But some people just aren't able to reach this level of awareness, and it isn't my job to change this. Instead I have to find a way to accept the fact that we are all different and that this is probably a good thing after all.

Seven down...three to go

2008-08-16T19:34:00.003-04:00

Breaking news in my HR studies saga....

With my exam written today I can officially put Training & Development behind me and focus fully on Organizational Behaviour, which I have been studying simultaneously since early June, and for which I have another exam on September 13th. On September 10th, the Wednesday before I write the OB exam, I begin Compensation Management. That course is a semester course, as opposed to distance ed, and will be keeping me up very late on Wednesday nights from then until mid-December, when it ends. I'm hoping to enroll in Occupational Health and Safety in November as another monthly intake course, so that I can finish it up by February 2009. This will then leave me three full months to focus on preparing for the National Knowledge Exam (NKE) sitting in early May.

Then I get my life back at last.

You see, they have added another requirement to the CHRP criteria...another hoop you have to jump through...if you want to get your designation. Effective January 2011 anyone who hasn't finished their coursework and passed their exams (the NKE and the National Professional Practice Assessment, or NPPA, which I'll hopefully be taking in October 2009) will not be able to obtain their professional Human Resources designation, which in essence means putting the letters C-H-R-P beside your name, unless they have also obtained a post-secondary degree at a Baccalaureate level at a minimum.

Personally I don't see how Jane Doe, CHRP, B.A. is going to be a better Human Resources Generalist that John Smith, CHRP, but what the hell do I know?

The Skeleton Key

2008-07-18T23:30:00.003-04:00

Once upon a time there were a husband and wife named Justify and Cecile. They lived in a plantation home in New Iberia, Louisiana about an hour outside of New Orleans. They were the devoted slaves to the homeowners, who had two young children - a son and a daughter.

Unknown to their master and mistress, Justify and Cecile were practitioners of hoodoo - a form of black magic that makes voodoo look like hopscotch. Justify was a very powerful conjurer, and together with Cecile they created a spell that would make them immortal. The catch was, someone had to be sacrificed for the spell to work.

One day, the owners of the plantation had a big party. There was plenty of booze and things got a little carried away. As the guests were leaving they wanted to say goodbye to the children. When they went to see them, they couldn't be found. The guests searched the house high and low, and then finally found the children in the attic with Justify and Cecile. They were in the middle of a sacrificial ceremony with Justify deeply entranced and convulsing, and the children in the middle of a chalk circle surrounded by lit candles. The parents went ballistic. They trusted their slaves and were enraged that they would harass their children in this way. Justify and Cecile claimed they were just teaching the children how to protect themselves from black magic., but the parents and party guests weren't convinced. They formed a lynch mob and strung Justify and Cecile in the Spanish moss-draped oak tree in the front yard where they hung by the necks until they died.

But what nobody knew was that in order for the black magic spell of mortality to work, Justify and Cecile's souls would have to enter new bodies, or in other words, they would have to 'switch bodies' with those they were offering up for sacrifice. Just seconds before the mob of angry party guests seized the slave couple in the attic, they had already made the switch, and the unlucky hanging victims were actually the children in Justify and Cecile's bodies.

Fast forward fifty years. Justify and Cecile, known to everyone as the children of the plantation owners, have aged and must find new bodies to inhabit so they can continue to be immortal. They put the house up for sale, and before long the Devereaus came along. They purchased the house and were soon ensnared in the same hoodoo ritual. Justify and Cecile were now in fresh bodies, and the old couple's bodies housed the Devereaus souls, and were soon disposed of. When the Devereaus became old and the desire to change bodies once again presented itself, they were in need of new, young forms to take over.

They hired a young estate lawyer to help them get their affairs in order. Then Justify and Cecilia hatched a plan that would ensure they were financially taken care of in their new forms. The Devereaus had a will that left the entire estate to one if the other died. Justify took hold of the young lawyer's body, and then he in his new form and Cecilia invoked a curse on Mr. Devereau to make him ill and appear as if he had had a stroke, and kept him ill by feeding him malicious potions under the guise they were medicine to help him. The new home care worker, Caroline, didn't know any better at first, but soon realized something was fishy when Mr. Devereau surprised her by grabbing her wrist tightly and staring her down with a frightened glare. He was supposed to be in a catatonic state and unaware of his surroundings.

Confused yet? Well you'll just have to see the movie to see how it all ends. And now that I've managed to unravel the tangled web of a plot line, I'm going to bed!

The medium is the message

2008-07-16T22:31:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I seriously wonder what the Universe is trying to communicate to me. I have had a couple of experiences recently that have made me sit up and take notice, and I'm still wrestling with the meaning behind them...

Yesterday I was out canvassing, and as I drove by a customer location I had visited previously, a health club, I noticed the owner pulling into the parking lot. I had missed him earlier in the week when I stopped by, and made a mental note that he was now at work so I could swing by after running the errand I was on my way to do.

My thoughts then took me back to the time I was a member at this particular health club, and how I had canceled my membership because there was a creepy old man who would come to hang out at the gym just to ogle the women in their leotards. It really bothered me how he would sit at the pec dec, do two or three reps, and then just stop and look around him, mentally undressing us all with his eyes. He would boldly continue to stare at you even after you noticed him doing so. It was very unnerving. One day as I passed him on the stairs on the way up to the cardio area I caught him staring me down. I stared right back at him and snapped "Can I help you???" I had told the girl at the front desk about him and lodged an official complaint, and then quit the club shortly thereafter.

I returned to the club and met with the owner, and we made plans to sit down and have a discussion about his staffing needs. After I left the gym I went back on my route, which at the time was southeast Oshawa. As I sat in traffic on King St. waiting for a light to change on the way to my next call, I glanced over at the car sitting next to me. I'll be damned if it wasn't that creepy old man from the gym!!! He was looking all neat and tidy and was undoubtedly on his way to work, and was for once not staring at me, but instead focused on the traffic in front of him.

It's not like I live in a small town where you run into everyone all the time. What could be the meaning behind this strange encounter?

Then this evening I was speaking to my father in New Jersey, who is trying to coordinate a trip for the boys and I to come and see him. He proposed some dates, and I told him I would have to check the calendar at work to see if anyone had already booked those days off, as we can't have more than one person away from the office at a time. He asked me if I would please get back to him asap, as the fares will be going up tomorrow and he'd like to book them when they're low. I told him I would be arriving very early in the office tomorrow and would call him first thing to advise, which would be around 8:00am. He told me that he is staying up very late these days writing, and requested that I not call him before 11:00am. I assured him I would not.

As I hung up the phone, I glanced at the display screen on my handset, which automatically records the time of each call in minutes and seconds. The time it recorded for this call we just had was 11 minutes and 11 seconds! This message came through loud and clear: I have to remember to delay my morning call as requested!

2008-03-30T14:11:00.002-04:00

So another weekend has come and gone. Now I'm just chilling out and getting ready for the busy week ahead.

I have been told I am to stay on until the end of April, and beyond that...who knows? I have to stop expecting so much from people and life in general. I actually started feeling disappointed when the manager told me that the person I'm replacing would eventually be reclaiming the job instead of being given a job in another department. Why would I do that to myself? I know I am kicking ass and taking names at this job, and cleaning up a lot of her mess, but why would I ever convince myself that they would recognize I am better at the role than she is and decide to give the job to me? I must be absolutely insane. To expect a large global company such as this to have loyalty to me like I have to them is an exercise in exasperation.

I am trying a new recipe today that I'm excited about. It's salmon grilled with fresh rosemary and garlic, and I can't wait to taste it!

These Dreams, Vol. 2

2008-03-23T11:44:00.003-04:00

This one is taken from a journal entry dated 21 September 2005, just a couple of weeks after my Dad passed away...

I was in the mall at lunch (?) shopping. I wanted to find a pair of pants, so I was on my way to the store that I thought would have them when I saw (my cousin) Brian and his wife. He dyed his hair blond. It was odd they were still in town (after the funeral). I told myself I'd look for them on my way back (from getting my pants). Didn't find the pants because I never made it to the store. Some guy was trying to get me to listen to his spiel about changing your name after getting married. I then went to find Brian again, but couldn't. I ended up at the food court. I was looking at my blog somehow on a microfiche-type screen and talking to my mother on the phone (?). I...kept seeing people resembling Dad around me. They were dressed in white and they would come one at a time. They would smile at me - and I took it to be a sign from Dad. Then I was driving with Dad (?) and had to stop to empty a spray bottle on Eric's (my biological father) lawn. He wasn't happy, so I wrote a note on his poodle, but removed it (before he could see it)....

What I notice in many of the dreams I have had is that I'm always on a mission to do something, but for some unknown reason it never gets done. I have heard from experts that it is the seemingly insignificant parts of the dream that should get the most attention, as they often hold the strongest message.

These Dreams, Vol. 1

2008-03-22T19:04:00.003-04:00

Taken from my journal dated 6 June 2004, the year before my kids went to live with their father:

I want to remember this dream I just had: I was with Scott (my ex-husband), but as Josh (my eldest son). Staying over at his house one night (it was all at nighttime - very dark and hard to see), I had a nightmare. I was trying to wake myself up from it, and I couldn't. I had opened my eyes in the dream, and all I could see was red flashing lights that reminded me of scary eyes, and dark, macabre shadows. My struggle to wake up was in vain, so I began kicking and thrashing about in the dream and screaming "Dad! Dad!" until my hoarse, boy-like voice was swallowed up in the dream state where you try to scream, but can't. Soon I could vaguely make out Scott's figure and presence appearing intertwined with the liquid blackness of my nightmare. He knew that I wasn't really Josh, yet he was there by my side, holding my hand, with the doubt and reserve that he has in any instance that involves me, yet despite his feelings about me he still came. He stayed with me as I awoke, and assisted me as I struggled to keep the demons away. I asked him to please not leave because I was still seeing scary images even though I was now out of bed. I remember grabbing at him imploring him to stay because I was still struggling with the nightmare. I seem to remember him telling me it was OK. We both knew I wasn't really Josh (sleeping on the bottom bunk), but the fact that he was there for me in spite of it made a significant impression, which led to me writing them down so I wouldn't forget it.

It's a Good Friday

2008-03-21T12:38:00.003-04:00

Ah, nothing like a long weekend to rejuvenate the soul and refresh the spirit! Today I am doing nothing much at all (my favourite weekend activity), including NOT observing the holiday other than to have a hot cross bun for breakfast and fish for dinner (I'm being invited for fish & chips with family tonight, and it would behoove me not to accept an offer to be fed).

Note to self: Add the fact that I am a "former Roman Catholic cult member who has since seen the light" to profile.

Another thing I am not doing this weekend is even thinking about work. At least that was the plan until I got an invite to go out on a date from a customer with whom I am working very closely. I was blown away....never saw it coming! A very nice guy, but I obviously wouldn't be available for a Saturday date on this short notice anyhow. Besides...I get a little queasy at the thought of dating someone at work. I just don't see how it can be done without affecting the professional relationship, and I'm sure my employer would frown on it. So I politely declined.

And speaking of the job, I am hoping to get some direction over the next week or so as to where things are going. That is, whether or not I will be kept on in this role (I'm currently replacing someone on medical leave), or if I'll be finishing up at the end of the month. Right now I'm going month to month, which makes planning for the future a bit impossible.

A book I am probably going to buy this weekend is The Secret. I find the concepts within it fascinating and exciting, but ridiculously simple...so simple actually that it's no wonder we would miss it as the human race seems to have evolved to the point of not being able to see the forest for the trees.

Happy Easter, for those of you who, unlike me, are observing!

Giving thanks

2008-01-13T22:37:00.000-05:00

Today I am grateful for...

...a lovely visit with an old, dear friend
...my son playing happily by himself instead of fighting with his brother
...being given $20 to put gas in my car
...a clean bathroom
...my cough improving - albeit slightly
...being done with Managerial Accounting FOREVER
...the future looking bright and exciting
...being single - I'd forgotten how blissful it can be!

Take this job and ... you know...

2007-08-19T13:15:00.000-04:00

I am a disgruntled employee.

Over the last several months I have grown weary of my current job, and found it has been a significant contributor to my present depressive state. This has caused me to try and figure out what exactly it is about my job that makes me so miserable.

So I started examining my frustration levels at work and paying close attention to what would be occurring at the time these levels would peak. What I found was primarily that I have grown to vehemently despise the people that I am forced to work with on a daily basis. Now I am not talking about my coworkers, but rather the people that we are hiring as temps to send out on our assignments. To put it bluntly, they suck.

I would normally never hire a single one of the people who come into our office. However considering that the jobs we are placing people on aren't usually rocket science, and any idiot could do them, this is why we cannot turn these people away. We have no choice but to recruit and hire these people, and hope to gawd that they will actually show up for work and stay there until the assignment ends. Quite often, they don't.

So guess who has to track down and counsel these losers on a daily basis, then spend more time having to send in another loser to replace them, all the while making a little sign of the cross in hopes that this next clown won't go and do exactly the same thing. When you are speaking to the errant temps who have taken off for the day without telling anyone and try to educate them in the fine art of Work Ethic, they talk to you with disrespect and arrogance, often using foul language, if you can even get them on the phone at all. Often you never hear from them again, until the next time they are really stuck for work and come crawling back. I enjoy turning them away when this happens.

I honestly don't know how anyone could actually enjoy this type of work. However my younger colleague, who is much more patient and tolerant of delinquent behaviour than I am, seems to find the job isn't too bad. Either that, or she just doesn't let it show how absolutely at her wit's end she is.

Well I have tried on three occasions to find alternate employment within this company, as I prefer to be loyal to my employer rather than just jumping ship, which most people would do. I have yet to be accepted for another position, either because someone else was more successful, or the position that I had applied for turned out to not be the job I thought it was. This third position that I have put my name down for is a one-year contract, and is going to be further away, so I will have to commute 45 minutes to work each day. Otherwise it is much more along the lines of what I want to do. I advised the manager as to my salary requirements, which is well within the pay band for the position. I had to factor in the cost it would be at least $5000 for the year just in gas alone. My current manager, who is involved in the process of moving me, tells me that this is going to be tricky to negotiate due to the fact that the company will not routinely give wage increases of more than a certain amount, which the gas costs alone will exceed.

I won't find out until the last week of August whether or not I will be successful in obtaining the job for the wage I require. If I don't, I guess I have some tough decisions to make.

Gratitude

2007-08-17T20:47:00.000-04:00

Well with my finances and career still looking pretty bleak, and depression now setting in, I think it's high time I injected some gratitude into the forefront of my mind before I lose it altogether.

Today I am grateful for these things:

-A short workday and a quiet afternoon at home
-My stepfather finding a table for the huge TV that was taking over my living room
-The realization that I was more a part of my friends' lives than I thought I was
-My good health and the good health of those I love dearly
-My old school friends being back in my life
-A wonderful man who loves me and treats me like a queen
-A brief rain shower that perked up my garden a little

Summer camp utopia

2007-08-04T13:01:00.000-04:00

My sons recently did a week-long summer camp that was based loosely on the movie 'School of Rock'. They learned all about how to assemble a rock band, how to put on a concert and have good stage presence. Of course there was a lot of 'jamming' and learning how to perfect their music skills as well.

At the end of the week the kids put on a concert to highlight what they've learned. Here is a snippet of the show, featuring of course my brilliant children!!!

Awesome stuff, no?

Job bliss

2007-07-25T23:25:00.000-04:00

Today I was going through some responses to a job ad I had posted on Workopolis for a Human Resources Representative in the GTA. A young woman barely out of college had applied with a note that she would require a wage of $45K to start along with three weeks' vacation.

I drew my colleagues' attention to the response, and subsequently the office erupted in sarcastic laughter.

I love how high Gen Y's expectations are with regard to their employment. Perhaps it's because I'm from a different generation where we were happy just to get a job that was even remotely in line with what we wanted to do and the amount of money we wanted to earn. Maybe it's just because I'm insanely bitter at the lack of meaningful employment here in Durham region, or perhaps I need to raise my own expectations a bit, as I am selling myself short. Heck I've been in this field for eight years and even I'm not making $45K per year!!!

Well after the gales of laughter subsided, the girls and I decided to do a little daydreaming of our own, and we came up with the Ideal Job:

* A starting salary of $60K plus five weeks' vacation and 20 sick days per year that either carry over to the following year if unused, or are paid back to us
* Full benefits whenever we need them with the cost being borne by the employer
* A corner office with a fantastic view, a stocked bar and barista
* A hot, young male assistant to do our bidding
* A paid gym membership
* Unlimited lunch break
* Access to the company jet whenever we like
* A guaranteed indefinite contract term
* Corporate discounts on spa visits, clothing and electronics purchases
* Required attendance at the quarterly company meetings in Las Vegas, Tahiti, or Hawaii where we do nothing but look at some reports and just schmooze
* Full autonomy in our roles (whatever they may be...really with all this, who cares what we're doing???)

Sighhh....that was FUN.

Summer sabbatical

2007-07-18T23:27:00.000-04:00

Some video I took of our trip in Ber's Cessna to the Poconos last weekend.

Why are all of my vacations so ridiculously short?

How To Engage Your Workforce

2007-07-10T23:17:00.001-04:00

Teamwork
Photo courtesy of Roberdan.

Have you ever wondered why some companies (like mine, for example) struggle constantly with chronic turnover and low productivity, while others soar to the Top 50 Employers lists?

It really isn't a mystery. The answer lies, for the most part, in the satisfaction of the employees, and how much they feel they are valued by their employer.

Recently I read an article that came across my desk at work outlining how managers can more effectively engage their staff to be not only more of a team, but to feel more connected to the company for which they work. They called the following the six main influencers of engagement:

1. Employees must view their jobs as important, or vital to the success of the company.

2. Employees must be clear on what is expected of them, and how they will know they are being successful in their roles.

3. Job improvement, such as career advancement or additional responsibilities or interesting tasks must be available.

4. Regular and meaningful feedback should be administered.

5. Relationships among coworkers must be healthy and productive.

6. Employees must fit in with the company's culture and values.

Last year, my company announced at a large, area-wide convention that one-third of our current workforce was made up of employees hired within the previous year. They acted like this was a good thing, bragging that they must be doing something right, as they were able to attract so many talented people to their company. It was obvious to me that they completely missed the point: why did they have to hire so many new people when they could very likely have salvaged a good number of existing staff, thereby saving the company thousands and thousands of dollars in sourcing, recruiting, selecting, hiring and training roughly 100 new FTEs?

The ironic thing is that all of the corporate division's focus these days on the millions of dollars of lost sales we apparently had over the past few months. The president has insisted all hands on deck, forcing us to slash all the time spent on employee training and other non-income-producing activities, as well as putting a freeze on company perks (we weren't given any bonuses or funding for holiday parties this past Christmas). Yet the fact that people keep resigning in droves and are having to be replaced, which is costing the company an insane amount of money, especially since the replacements are being made in haste, and thus aren't the most suitable candidates, is being ignored.

The answers are unbelievably simple. What I find 'puzzling' is why the people with the six-figure salaries don't get it.

-Photo courtesy of roberdan

Incommunicado

2007-06-28T23:13:00.001-04:00

Egads!
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

Well thanks to the natives at the Tyendinaga reserve in Belleville, my train for tomorrow was cancelled, and not only do I not have the ability to call home that often (hotels shamelessly johnny-hole you with their long distance fees), my cellphone is almost dead as I don't have a charger for it.

So, tonight I spent some time on Messenger with my kids. I was horrified when my youngest logged on and I saw his tagline. It read "50 cent ruls at raping". After I recovered from the shock I realized what he was trying to say, and I quickly IM'd him to tell him to change it...pronto.

So as it stands now I have exchanged my train ticket with a seat on Saturday's train, and was lucky enough to get the room for an extra night if I need it. Tomorrow I'll call head office and see if they would be able to get me a flight out of here tomorrow afternoon sometime so I can get up to Keswick to pick up Tyssie for our weekend together.

And as far as the natives are concerned, they are putting me out and causing an inconvenience, but I figure we kind of came in and took over their land a couple of centuries ago, so it's hard finding justification to complain!

Kitties of Parliament Hill

2007-06-27T21:06:00.001-04:00

Kitties of Parliament Hill
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

While in Ottawa this week on business I ventured up to the top of the city to my favourite place: Parliament Hill.

I'm not sure what I find so fascinating about this site. Is it the image of Pierre Trudeau, one of my personal heroes, sprinting up the steps of Parliament in his brown sandals on his way to work in the morning? Or the whispers of many, many notable politicians and other historic figures that echo through the grounds to this day, and are immortalized in bronze around the perimeter of the property?

Perhaps.

But I think my favourite reason for visiting this awesome spectacle in our nation's capital is the Cat Sanctuary.

For a number of years selfless volunteers have been looking after a clan of kitties that found recluse in a shady enclave at the west side of the property after they were retired from their official mousing duties.

They have had them all spayed/neutered and inoculated against common kitty parasites, and keep them well-fed and watered. They constructed what looks like a cat townhouse complex complete with straw-lined floors for them to cozy up in during the winter and bouts of inclement weather.

There is a coin box at the gate to the sanctuary for anyone who wants to make a donation. It costs the volunteers approximately $6000 per year out of their own pockets to maintain it. To view the official 'Cats of Parliament Hill' blog, go here.

If you are not in the Ottawa area and would like to make a donation, you can mail a personal cheque to the attention of Rene Chartrand, Apt. 1207, 160 Charlotte St., Ottawa, K1N 8Z5.

The kitties say 'Thanks'!

My boys are brilliant!

2007-06-23T20:54:00.000-04:00

Check out my kids during their stage debut today at the Music in the Streets festival in Keswick, Ontario...

I swear I have the most talented children in existence.

On a sadder note, today is my Dad's birthday - the second one we haven't been able to celebrate with him since he passed away almost two years ago. I bought a lovely little pot of bright, yellow Gerbera daisies and brought them to the cemetery. They really perked up his spot.

Happy Birthday Dad! We wish we could be with you today, and always.

Freaked out!

2007-06-22T21:53:00.000-04:00

It's a curse.

For as long as I can remember I have been surrounded by freaks. At work...at school...standing next to me in the grocery store...at the dentist's office...and even in cyberspace.

It's as if they seek me out because they know how absolutely crazy they drive me. I don't know what it is, but I can't seem to swing a dead cat and not hit either an enormously pregnant teenager with a smoke in one hand and her one-year-old in a stroller in the other, or a bandanna-wearing, Trailer Park Boy who has no respect for authority and thinks the world owes him something, or that ridiculous driver who absolutely MUST get in front of you, no matter how fast you're going, just to slow down to a snail's pace.

Or maybe it's not as bad as it seems at all, and the Universe is just telling me that I need to stop expecting so much from my fellow man and lower the bar a little. This would turn out to be especially funny (exasperating?) when I started this job and was suddenly expected to conduct interviews with people who had never been acquainted with a bar of soap, let alone a curriculum vitae. The bar is now six-feet-under...as is my pride.

At my previous job my manager took me aside once and told me to stop coming down so hard on people all the time, and that really made me think. I can't help it: I have such high expectations of myself, and I subconsciously cascade that onto others around me.

The Dalai Lama says that the secret to true happiness is 'tolerance'. Followers of the Hindu religion believe in Karma: that we all have our own personal crosses to bear and lessons to learn in each lifetime, and that it is only once we achieve enlightenment that we are able to end the series of reincarnations and finally pass over to Nirvana.

So it would seem that my 'cross' is the expectant young tramp with no regard for her unborn child's life, the cretin with the goatee, tats and mentality of entitlement that could very well be the baby daddy, and the inconsiderate and shockingly dangerous driver that I have no choice but to share the road with every day all rolled into one.

Yikes...I think I need a vacation...

I am a tight ass

2007-06-22T00:18:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had your butt rubbed??? I have...and it's delightful. I highly recommend it.

Recently I have started seeing a chiropractor again after my sacrum started bothering me. I have been having a hard time sitting for long periods since I fell on my butt a few months back. Figuring that the company benefit plan covers $500 of chiropractic services per year, and I'm paying $50 per month just to have the stupid plan I might as well use it.

Today I went for a chiropractic session, and had a half-hour massage beforehand to loosen me up. The chiropractor told me to have the masseur work on my sacrum area and glutes. Nicole normally works on my back, so this was going to be different. She started with my right cheek, and it was pretty tender. For the first time since I can remember I felt sharp pain during the massage. Then she switched to my left cheek, and as I braced myself for more discomfort, she commented on how much worse my left side was.

It would seem I am a lopsided tight ass.

I asked Nicole if she does a lot of butt rubs. She giggled and said "Yeah."

So after my rub I went down the hall for my adjustment, and as I lay down on my tummy the doctor put a weeny bit of pressure on my lower back, and....CRACK! She praised my masseur for a job well done. I had my adjustment and she sent me home to soak in a tub with epsom salts and to then ice my back to finish up the treatment.

I have decided I don't want to be a tight ass anymore, and I'll be going back for another bum massage with Nicole as soon as I get back from Ottawa.

Things that made me smile today

2007-06-18T23:09:00.000-04:00

An impromptu rainstorm in the middle of a hot, sunny day
Locker room chat with my coworker and boss
A Fido commercial
A Macintosh computer commercial
A delicious dinner
A customer with a crazy sense of humour
A fat cat lying beside me on the couch
A crazy-ass redneck who completely perpetrated the union stereotype
A cute text message from my sweetheart

Adventure on the "high seas"

2007-06-16T14:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Ber and I together with the boys went on a three-hour sailing tour around Toronto Harbour on the Tall Ship Adventures with Toronto Brigantine group. We all helped out in hoisting and bringing down the sails, which made it all the more fun, especially for Josh and Tyssen who had never sailed before. They are now both very interested in learning more about it. We were on a boat very much like this one below, and it was captained by a teenager who seemed to have forgotten more about sailing than I'll ever know.

I ended up kicking myself extra hard because in all the stress of trying to make it to the end of Lower Spadina from my office in Oshawa before the ship sailed at 6pm I neglected to bring my camera with me...and missed out on all kinds of fabulous photo ops!!! I still haven't gotten over it...arghhhhh!!! Hopefully I'll be able to post a link to other people's photos soon, as there were a few other passengers who had the presence of mind to come better prepared than myself.

Can't sleep...

2007-06-15T00:20:00.000-04:00

It's after midnight and I should be sawing logs right now because I am really very tired. I don't know why but for some reason I get this stupid second wind around 10pm and no matter how completely exhausted I am I somehow manage to stay wide awake for most of the night - my head swimming with thoughts and worries.

The fact that I absolutely hate my job doesn't help much either.

This week is especially tough because I am dealing with all the staffing issues virtually on my own with my coworker away helping out in the Ottawa branch. She is much better at this job than I am, and manages quite well on her own when I am away...which will be in two weeks when I make my next trip to the office in Ottawa. WOOT!

I just adore my treks to our nation's capital. This is mainly because it is a much nicer branch with better employees and customers to work with (people I'm actually proud to associate myself with). Also the office is gorgeous and situated on the main floor of a government building. It's like being in a whole other world. I'd be working there permanently if I didn't have roots here in the Shwa. I'll be sad when they are up and running on their own and don't need our help anymore :-(

OK well I'm gonna go give this shut-eye thing another stab...

"31 people call this photo a favourite"

2007-06-13T21:24:00.001-04:00

Peanut butter
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

I distinctly remember the day I took the shot that ended up at the top of my Flickr Most Interesting Photos list.

I had a hankering for toast and peanut butter with a cup of tea for breakfast one weekend morning. I had just started the toast when my mother popped in (as she often does being as she lives only two blocks away) to see what I was up to.

I had the lid off the peanut butter jar and was chatting with her while I waited for the toaster over to signal the toast was done. I was standing at the kitchen counter and noticed as I glanced over toward the peanut butter jar that the swirl design in the spread made by previous knife dips was rather interesting, and I thought I should shoot it.

Without as much as a second thought, I grabbed my trusty old A620, which was fortuitously within reach, and turned it on. Pointing the lens downward and focusing carefully I shot the contents of the jar, which was lit only by the sunlight streaming in the kitchen window behind it. Just to be safe I took a second shot for posterity...however the first shot, as in my experience is usually the case, was the better one.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Hell hath no fury...

2007-06-12T21:36:00.001-04:00

So the marriage is in the tank and that stupid wedding gown you spent $2,000 for is hanging in your closet smirking at you. No one's going to borrow it from you because it's got bad 'mojo', and you don't have the time or patience to sell it on eBay. What can you do???

Trash it.

That's right. It's the latest trend in wedding photography, and quickly gaining popularity. I noticed a discussion about it on Flickr today and decided to explore it for myself. I have to admit I would have a very hard time trashing such an expensive item myself, but if money is no object for you...why not?

And I can see it being a great way to get your marital frustrations out, other than first degree murder, that is...

Waist not, want not

2007-06-10T21:06:00.000-04:00

OK so my war against my waistline wages on.

After completing the Slim in 6 program, and seeing very minimal results even after an extra couple of weeks, I have decided to switch over to Yoga Booty Ballet to see if I can achieve better results with a different workout.

Anyone thinking about buying the system please take note of the familiar caveat that comes along with all workout programs: Results Not Typical. I must not be very typical at all. However I will grant that the workout was NOT easy, and it took me close to the six-week mark before I could even get all the way through the program. I still sweat a LOT when I do it, and I've noticed my blood pressure improve and my skin clear up significantly since I started it.

So after being shafted with my purchase of the first program (it ended up being over $80 CDN by the time all was said and done), I learned from my impulsive purchase error and have borrowed a copy of YBB from my coworker to try before I buy. All hell, who am I kidding? I'll make an illegal copy of it sooner than buy it.

The ghost of Mother's Day past

2007-05-13T23:33:00.001-04:00

My favourite tea mug
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

My first most memorable Mother's Day would have been three years ago when my estranged ex took the boys out to Winners so they could get me a present. They came back with a pretty flower candle, some bubble gum lip gloss, and this mug, along with a touching card they picked out themselves. I used up the lip gloss and found the candle a home on my dressing table where it remains today...but I have to say this mug has a special place in my heart. It is virtually the only mug I will drink my tea from. I use it all the time. It is my favourite mug.

My second most memorable Mother's Day was last year, when my oldest son made breakfast in bed for me. An english muffin and a glass of milk. He came into my room with it all set out on a cookie sheet, because I don't own a tray. It was very sweet of him, and I ate up every last bite.

Sadly, this Mother's Day went by like any other day of the year. I didn't have the kids this weekend, and as my boys are getting older and busying themselves with all the things they have going on nowadays, they didn't even bother to call me.

Of course I am very hurt, but I wonder if I am overreacting. I wouldn't expect their father, who never gave a damn about me when we were married, to remind them to give me a call. I would have hoped that they might be missing me or just even thinking about me for a microsecond, and want to give me a call to wish me a happy Mother's Day. I guess I'm just not that important to them right now.

Instead I spent the day working in the yard and filling three huge garden bags full of weeds. I got the backyard lawn mowed and my kitchen cleaned. As a treat to myself I had a nice soak in the tub afterwards and did my toes. My garden is looking great and I can't wait to get some flowers planted in it.

But I would have killed for that phone call...

Time to vent

2007-03-21T00:19:00.001-04:00

Tuesday night bellyaching
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

1. STEPHEN COLBERT: Happy 'You' Day, Mr. Colbert. Don't make a special trip to Oshawa just because our Mayor is hosting a day at our brand new entertainment centre just for you as a show of good faith after losing a bet. We're not that important, after all...

2. MY JOB: Many of the temporary staff we work with are by and large humongous losers and trailer park bottom feeders that have no integrity or character whatsoever, and I am embarrassed to say that I grew up in the same town they did.

3. QUEBEC MUSLIMS: Look...if you don't like pork, don't have the frikkin' beans!!! Bring your own Halal foods and eat that instead! No one is saying you aren't welcome to take part in the festivities, but the beans are made with salt pork and that is the tradition...period. If you have a problem with this just don't go to the Sugar Shack at all and spare everyone the drama. We have bent over backwards trying to accommodate your every little rule. Now it's just getting ridiculous. Get over it already.

4. MY JOB: Job candidates - don't worry about reading the ads that we post on our website in full. Just click APPLY on any and all job ads that you think 'might' be of interest to you, and allow me to spend hours prescreening you over the phone and explaining to you what the ad actually says. I have lots of time in a day and live to talk to people on the phone who really aren't suited to the jobs I am looking to fill.

5. NELLIE FURTADO: The boys on the Dean Blundell Show call her "Smelly Fur Taco". She certainly is taking this "I-know-I'm-a-mom-but-I'm-still-hot-OK-so-I'm-gonna-act-like -a-hooch-now-to-prove-it" act to the furthest possible limit. Give it up Smelly. You're almost as ridiculous as the Quebec Muslims.

6. MY JOB: Temps - by all means, don't feel that you have to actually COMMIT to the jobs to which we assign you. We are just your Plan B in case something better doesn't come along. If something better does come along, please pull off our assignment at the last possible minute, and don't give us a chance to replace you...we are here because we owe YOU a living...not for any other purpose. We love having to call the customers back and tell them that we actually DON'T have temp help for them after all. It keeps us on our toes trying to salvage our company's integrity.

7. C.U.P.E: Unions had their place in the 1920's and 1930's, but now you exist only because greed is alive and well in the blue collar sector. Everyone makes a stupid amount of money and can screw up on the job seventeen ways from Sunday and they are protected as if they were an endangered species. It enrages me beyond belief how many union workers just rape the system silly.

8. MY JOB: Yes Mr. Customer - go ahead and take our employees and call them into work for you without involving us. We are just whores for you to take advantage of. We have no purpose other than to stand on our heads and spit nickels for you. Our rules and policies mean nothing, and you don't need to pay any attention to them. In fact we'll give you the lowest bill rate possible so that we don't make a dime on doing business with you. We will continue to work our asses off to service your company for free.

Tickled pink to be in the black

2007-03-11T15:12:00.001-04:00

Week 7: Lucky twenty
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

You may remember the scare I had with Magnus at the end of November. He suddenly became quite ill and had to be hospitalized while we investigated his bizarre health issue. Almost $3000 later he was home and on the mend. I put every penny I had into fixing my beloved kitty, and even though it came close to devastating me financially, I still don't regret it for a second.

As a result, for the first time since I can remember, I became seriously broke. I could barely afford to pay my bills, and had to rely on my $1000 overdraft safety net I had with my bank. The holidays were sadly low-key, as my kids, who usually welcomed Christmas morning with a tree smothered in gifts, found only a few presents for themselves. They handled it very well, mind you, insisting that they just wanted Kitty to get better. I did very little grocery shopping, if any, and found myself taking donations from my mother's pantry, and eating at her place a lot. I am still living off mac & cheese for the most part. Pleasure spending was not even a remote possibility, and I did not go out much and had to watch how much gas I was using. Occasionally, not being accustomed to being so busted, I would make commitments to do things that cost money, forgetting that I couldn't afford it,and had to try to talk my way out of it. It has been a very difficult time.

So imagine my delight when today, while balancing my bank accounts and budgeting for upcoming payments, I discover that when all is said and done by the end of the month I will actually have $800 left over!!! I crunched and re-crunched the numbers just to be sure. After FOUR MONTHS of financial hardship resulting from Magnus' illness I can finally say I have moved from the red to the black.

I am not resting on my laurels at this point, however, as I do have some significant maintenance jobs that have to be done on my house PRONTO following the water damage from almost two months ago. I will need to continue to be frugal with my bean-counting probably for the next couple of months. I have to have my attic ventilated and re-insulated, and my chimney needs re-pointing. I am looking a some pretty hefty bills for that, but I am confident I'll be able to navigate my way through that minefield, and it's only going to increase the value of my home.

The good news is that the vermiculite they found in my attic is NOT contaminated with asbestos, so the few thousand dollars it could have cost to make that problem go away is no longer a worry.

It can only go up from here!

Work to Live vs. Live to Work

2007-03-10T15:13:00.001-05:00

home office
Originally uploaded by fotografisch.at.

Is it really possible?

Could it be that there is actually a job out there that I would love so much I would do it for free?

We've all heard of the concept, yet for many of us this is little more than an unrealistic pipe dream. We toil away at jobs that we hate because we feel that we have no other choice. We have bills to pay, debt we are carrying and lifestyles to which we are accustomed. To just walk away from a less-than-ideal job in pursuit of something that perhaps doesn't exist in the hopes of finding not only the perfect occupation for us, but one that is going to pay us well just isn't a practical notion.

Take myself for example. Recent events have caused me to take a long, hard look at my current employment situation and ask myself some tough questions. A networking meeting I had with someone the other day whom I have only known for a couple of weeks has resulted in a significant epiphany: I am a right-brain person in a left-brain job. No wonder I am miserable!

My job is heavily administrative in a medium- to high-pressure environment, and has little room for creativity and innovation. It is grossly low-paid and is virtually devoid of opportunity for advancement. Fortunately, I work with some wonderful people and am able to enjoy the relationships I have built with my coworkers and customers, however it can be a real struggle to get through a day with my sanity intact. My adult attention deficit issues make it difficult for me to focus in the hurricane of activity that surrounds me at the office, and has proven to be a real challenge in adapting to an environment where multitasking is the #1 required skill to have in your arsenal. However I am proud to say that I have made significant strides in overcoming these Achilles' Heels of mine thanks to my own determination and stubbornness. I realize with great chagrin that my left-brained team is often frustrated and bewildered at my inability to do what they find ridiculously easy.

However this recent turning point has me very excited about my future. My brain is bursting with ideas and thoughts right now, and I need to find a way to organize them all and put them into action. Speaking on the phone to one of my sisters today, who was very encouraging and enthusiastic about it all, has me wanting to explore things further. For the first time I am actually entertaining the thought of abandoning my HR studies altogether and going in a completely different direction.

Stay tuned to see what happens next!

Excerpt from a cat's diary

2007-02-18T22:43:00.001-05:00

D'oh!
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now...

This too shall pass

2007-01-29T22:27:00.000-05:00

"I love you, and I am so sad that you are living this unfulfilling and frustrating life. I would give anything for you to not have to endure this. You are my best friend, and it pains me to see you sacrificing everything to allow everyone else to be the priority. I really identify with that guilt, that complete and utter inability to stomp your foot and say 'wait a minute...what about ME???' And I am filled with utter contempt for the person who expects you to give, give, give all the time and never ask anything in return. You deserve SO much better than this, and I dearly hope that one day you'll get it.

"Keep your chin and spirits up...little ones are watching you. When hurtful comments, pure negligence and indifference are offered to you, take them with a grain of salt, and trust that karma can be a real bitch.

"This is the cross that you were born to bear. Just know that there is a special little place in Heaven waiting for you for all that you have given up for those you care about, and those you don't feel you have the strength to fight. And whatever you decide...

"...I'm right behind you all the way."

Puzzled

2007-01-28T20:46:00.000-05:00

I'm in a jigsaw puzzle mood lately. Today I made a jigsaw puzzle from a photo I took of my kids.

Online Jigsaw Puzzle

Go here to make your own.

"You're On Notice!"

2007-01-23T22:59:00.001-05:00

I'm watching you...
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

My P.O.M. (Peeves of the Month)

8. PARIS HILTON. She's just a complete waste of fresh air, skin and Prada.

7. ANTIBIOTIC ABUSERS. It is because of you idiots that we now have so many more strains of bacteria that are resistant to treatment. And thanks to you we are all getting sicker and sicker every year. You deserve to spend eternity in the ER waiting rooms.

6. GLOBAL WARMING for changing the entire climate of this planet. Or should I thank humanity for being so disrespectful and negligent? As much as winter sucks, it is a sign that all is right in the world.

5. AMAZON.COM for being SLOWER THAN MOLASSES IN JANUARY with sending me my purchase. Come on! Six weeks to send a VHS tape in the mail? Whatever. I see you wasted no time in debiting my bank account, though.

4. MY NEXT COLD VIRUS. I have had three colds in the past three months after going a whole year of excellent health. WTF??? And now as I shake off the effects of the most recent virus everyone around me is getting yet another strain. And guess who's getting sneezed on again? ENOUGH!!!!

3. DEADLY S. AFRICA TUBERCULOSIS STRAIN. Please...I beg you...stay in South Africa. You are not welcome here. We do not want you. If you must cross into our country visit upon the ANTIBIOTIC ABUSERS mentioned above who are wholly responsible for your existence. Thank you.

2. TIM HORTON'S for having the worst service EVER at the Oshawa Centre outlet. Not only did they keep screwing up our orders, but they had the nerve to complain back at us for complaining, and then told us to take our business elsewhere instead of offering to correct our orders. Even the district manager told us to go fly a kite when we called to try to escalate the issue.

I despise the mentality of big box companies like Tim's and Walmart. They completely suck the culture out of every town they settle into to the point that we feel compelled to go to them instead of the smaller companies who actually WANT our business.

1. OSHAWA SOCIAL WORKERS who don't give a damn that all the losers they see in a day who are applying for 'pogey' are actually too goddamn lazy to work when there is work out there. Instead of calling the agencies to follow up to see if there applicants are trying to find work, they just pump out the applications like it's going out of style. How can we get mad at these bottom feeders for choosing to sit around on their asses all day collecting EI from the tax purse when social services is encouraging them all along???

Going once...going twice...

2007-01-07T22:49:00.000-05:00

Today I learned how to bid on eBay.

Just wait until the VERY LAST MOMENT and then crank up the highest bid possible to steal the item out right from under the last highest bidder's nose. For added drama, don't bid AT ALL until the very end, so no one will suspect you even want the stupid item, thus catching them off guard.

Sneaky, underhanded creep. I wouldn't be this upset if it wasn't such a rare item, and something I not only wanted very much to have, but something I won't likely find anywhere else.

You suck :-(

A family gathering

2007-01-05T00:38:00.001-05:00

Family
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

I am very excited today because we are planning a trip over to NJ in a couple of weeks for a family get-together revolving around my Grandma Connie's birthday. Ber and I are hopefully (if the weather permits) flying over ourselves and staying for a few nights.

I am really looking forward to this trip because I haven't been to see my father, Eric, at his home in Jersey for at least a year, and I always enjoy visiting him along with his wife and my two half-siblings, who are younger than my own boys - pictured here flanking Eric and my cousin Laura.

If all the stars are aligned and the powers-that-be are in favour, we should leave on Thursday the 18th and get back home the Sunday evening, and we'll be able to take the Cessna. If the weather is too cold it will be too icy to fly ourselves and we'll have to look at getting a last minute flight out of Toronto instead, which will be much more costly.

Yay!!! I'm so pumped...I can't wait :D

Moon over Bizzy

2007-01-03T21:53:00.001-05:00

First Full Moon of 2007
Originally uploaded by ozoni11.

Last night we had a SPECTACULAR full moon.

I still don't have a telephoto lens, thus I could not take a moon photo like this one, by my friend Michael.

I did get some money from my father for Christmas, and he insisted that I buy myself a telephoto lens with it, but I have to pay off my vet bills first.

:-((( I realllllly want to take photos of the full moon!!! But I refuse to spend over $200 on an add-on to my Canon Powershot when I hope to eventually buy myself an SLR. I'm browsing eBay for something more reasonable that will give me the capability to do more with my point and shoot than it does now.

I hope to have me some new toys by February 2nd, when the moon will be full again....

Release the Technorati Spiders!!!

2007-01-01T22:46:00.000-05:00

Technorati Profile

New Year Cheers and Jeers

2007-01-01T22:09:00.001-05:00

A New Year's Eve to remember
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

:-) CHEERS to Ber, for making this the best New Year's I've had in four years. I have to agree that 2007 is going to ROCK!!!

:-( JEERS to my stupid bank, CIBC, for not having a single deposit envelope at all three ATMs when I made a special trip out this evening to deposit the rent cheque

:-) CHEERS to my tenant, Darcie, for picking up all the cigarette butts from the back patio after her party guests left last night, and for not being too rowdy and noisy

Cyberspace: it's crowded in here!

2006-12-30T22:17:00.000-05:00

The internet sure is bringing everyone closer...but I'm starting to feel claustrophobic.

Recently there have been some discussions about creeps and pedophiles stealing people's kid pics and using them on their slimy sites. So now I am extremely neurotic and removing all attractive tags from my photos and removing them from groups about children that pedos like to frequent, so the chances of my boys or nieces ending up on some kiddie porn site are much lower. In addition to this, I am looking to see who is faving my kids' pictures, and looking to see what their other favourite pics are, and blocking them if they are all of children. There is a running list that someone on Flickr has compiled of suspicious users, and I am keeping record of them all!

I am also searching Technorati to see who else is linking to my photo site, and taking note of that as well. I am finding this to be vexing, however, because the search results are sometimes misleading. This blog is supposed to have a link to this photo on it somewhere, but I can't find where.

Here is a blog entry that features a photo of mine. They didn't ask for my permission first, however they did credit me appropriately with a link back to my site, so I'm not that upset about it.

Thus far I have found nothing that is linking to any of my children's pictures, so I guess we are all safe...for now.

Humbug to global warming

2006-12-24T11:47:00.001-05:00

First snowfall
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

I have to say that I do not share in everyone else's delight that we are having such an unseasonably warm winter thus far. I find the whole climate change thing just a little unsettling.

Not that I don't love not having to clean off my car before I go to work every morning, or have to worry about shovelling the driveway. It is definitely a treat not having to be concerned about these things. However, the fact that we have had less than an inch of snow this year does worry me about what kind of legacy we are leaving for our children? We have damaged the planet to the extent that the ozone layer has been severely compromised, which has started a chain reaction that has led to the planet warming up to the point that we are soon not going to have winter at all!

I don't claim to be an expert on the subject at all, but I just find it all very upsetting and hope that my grandkids don't have to suffer for the environmental neglect of their predecessors.

Anne's Food Bank

2006-12-22T12:29:00.000-05:00

My mother, Anne, horrified at the fact that I wasn't able to afford to go grocery shopping following having to put out all kinds of money for Magnus, graciously offered up groceries from her own cupboard yesterday. I should now be able to eat three square meals a day for a few days until Christmas, when I will be fed very well, and furnished with leftovers to see me through to the New Year, hopefully.

One thing being broke has taught me, is how to be frugal. Although I do hate being a slave to money, it is unbelieveable how much I was wasting that I could have saved. I used to get a coffee at Tim's every morning, and would often buy a bagel or something to eat. I often didn't bother making myself lunch, so I would end up buying that as well. It all adds up, and I will definitely be more mindful of how much money I'm spending when I'm back on my feet financially, which should hopefully be in February if not sooner.

What's in a name?

2006-12-19T23:35:00.000-05:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There is:
1
person with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Borrowed from Patrick's blog.

Today I am Grateful

2006-12-14T23:27:00.001-05:00

The Finishing Touch
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

Well, actually, I am grateful every day, but I just don't stop to take note of it often enough.

Today I feel I am due to give thanks to the Universe for my good fortune. Despite the fact that I am up to my boobs in debt at the time of this writing, I have much to be thankful for.

To begin with, I am infinitely grateful for the fact that because I have some very special people in my life right now, I am able to give my kids a decent Christmas. You know who you are, but in case you don't, I'm going to do some name-dropping...

My stepfather Mike has been part of our family for almost thirty years now, and there has never been a time when we needed something...anything...and he wasn't there for us. Whether we needed someone to come out on a cold night and give us a boost, or to come over and fix a leaky toilet, Mike was and is always ready and willing to help us out. Myself personally, being a single girl living on her own, I have called upon Mike to help me many a time recently. He will come over and watch the boys for me if I have to go out; he took my cat to the vet for me when I couldn't be there; he has picked my drunk ass up from the bar on occasion after a night out with the girls; and helped fix my roof when it was leaking uncontrollably and damaging the ceiling. However the most recent act of kindness that Mike has bestowed upon me was when he found out that I didn't have a Christmas tree to put up. He drove all over town going from store to store until he was able to get the last tree that Canadian Tire had for sale, and brought it by the house last weekend. The kids and I were delighted and we put it up right away. He knows I don't have the money to pay him back yet, but he knows I will eventually.

Another person whom I feel particularly indebted to right now is Ber. I met him online one night when I was checking my emails on a popular dating site. I was just about to log off when he IM'd me. We chatted amicably for a bit and then exchanged email addies. We met for a drink, then lost touch for about a month before reconnecting, and have been enjoying each other's company ever since. This man is incredibly generous, sensitive, loving and thoughtful. He loves to come over to my place and cook dinner for us. He buys all of the ingredients and leaves whatever is left in my fridge. He'll help me clean up afterwards so I don't have to wake up to a messy kitchen. He was very concerned when Magnus became ill and would call me every night for an update and to see how I was doing. His support during that time meant the world to me. However I am completely overwhelmed by his most recent gesture of surprising me with Toys R Us gift cards so that I can get presents for my kids. He knew I was working with a very fixed amount of money...most of which had been donated to me from other people who didn't know what the boys wanted, and asked me to buy things for them. I had told the kids that due to kitty's illness, Mummy wasn't going to be able to put much under the tree this year. My younger son even offered to give me money to help pay for kitty, which touched me deeply. I am completely in this wonderful man's debt, and I feel very lucky to have him in my life.

My bio father, Eric, who just came into my life about six years ago, has been an enthusiastic, loving and generous parent without whom I don't know where I'd be today. From the moment we were first reunited in November 2000, he has been an excited and eager father who gave of himself constantly. He brought me into his family and made me feel as though I truly belonged. He helped me get on my feet financially when my last relationship ended in 2003, and has always done what he could to make my life easier and more enjoyable. He bought me my first digital camera last Christmas, which spurred my current passion for photography and Flickr. He enjoys seeing me happy and getting the most out of life, and for that I am so grateful.

Others who have touched me recently are my mum, who knows I don't eat very well because I won't cook for myself, and saves a plate for me every now and then; my birth mother Joanne, who came to visit recently and bought my groceries that week; my new boss, Ciane, who paid for my dinner at the company Christmas party when the company announced that we wouldn't be getting any funding for holiday parties this year, and I was going to send my regrets because I didn't have to money for my meal; my coworker, Krista, who knew I was having a Christmas tree dilemma and brought over a tree stand for me when I thought of getting a cheap spruce from a roadside vendor to save money, but didn't have a stand to put it in.

Maybe it's that people are more generous this time of year, or maybe it's that I just seem to notice it more. What ever it is, I want to take a moment to give thanks to the powers that be for all of these wonderful people, and hope that soon I will be able to repay them for their wonderful acts of kindness.

Disappearing Christmas tree

2006-12-07T00:04:00.001-05:00

I knew the black hole ornament was a bad idea
Originally uploaded by jpstanley.

It's official: I am an idiot.

Last year, frustrated beyond belief with my old, hand-me-down artificial Christmas tree that didn't assemble properly and just looked like crap, I threw it out. My plan was to get a brand new pre-lit tree, so I wouldn't have to worry about stringing lights, which I always hated doing and could never get them looking quite right anyway.

Well that was my plan.

Fast forward one year. The first week of December is almost over, and I still have no replacement tree. Why, you ask? Well you see about a week ago I was desperately crunching numbers in my bank accounts, credit card and line of credit to figure out a way I could pay the vet the $2,800 I owed him for my kitty, who was deathly ill and facing euthanasia. I still owe the vet about $600, and I have absolutely NO money left over for groceries or Christmas presents...let alone a stupid Christmas tree.

Great. My kids are spending Christmas at my place this year, and they already know there won't be anything from Mummy under the tree, now they aren't going to even have a tree!!!

Can it get any worse?

Why oh why didn't I take advantage of the post-Christmas clearances at Walmart or Canadian Tire last year and buy a damn tree then??? Why didn't I set aside a few extra bucks so that I could at least buy a real tree and a stand to use this year? Why, why, why???

Because I'm an idiot...that's why.

Never too Bizzy...

2006-11-26T00:35:00.000-05:00

It is so hard to believe as I look at these photos of my six-year-old, alpha male cat that I took just last weekend, that he is now at the vet clinic quite sick...possibly with a life-threatening illness.

When we brought Magnus home six years ago in October of 2000, I thought he was a female, and I named him Maggie. When we realized our error we had already been calling him by this name for a while, so - not wanting to confuse him - we masculinized the name to Magnus. It turned out to be quite a fitting moniker, with him growing to be a very large-sized kitty (Magnus is Latin for 'large').

His mother was polydactyl, and she passed this trait along to each of her three kittens. Magnus was always a conversation starter around our place when people would notice his ping pong paddle-shaped paws. Watching him swat at my mother's West Highland terrier, Barney, when they would come for a visit was always enormously entertaining.

His mother gave him something else before he was taken from her...fleas. For the first few days after we brought him home I had to give him flea baths to rid him of the infestation. He would cling to my rubber-gloved forearms as I held him under the showerhead. I remember the long, red scratches that his little claws left on me after a bathing session. Ironically enough he ended up developing a fondness for the water, and would often hop into the tub while my kids were bathing. It made for some very interesting photo ops.

Before he got very big, he was known for climbing to the top of the wicker shelf, and then meowing loudly to be rescued because he couldn't get himself down again. He would also find perches in the most unusual of places, such as on top of my computer monitor, or between the desk and the sliding keyboard tray below it. Another favourite place to install himself was in a laundry basket full of warm clothes right out of the dryer. He still enjoys the latter to this day.

An indoor cat, Magnus longed to go outside. Following the advice of my vet at the time, I allowed him outside on a tether fastened to a stake in the ground so he could wander, sniff, munch on some grass, and otherwise mark his territory. We did this because we had a large cat population in the neighbourhood, and he was driven nearly insane by all the other male cats that would come around, taunting him from outside the living room window. He ended up spraying our bedclothes in an attempt to assert himself and claim his territory. After we started letting him outside supervised he never sprayed again.

Magnus' personality changed dramatically when we added Hermione to the mix two years later. He went from being mischievous, fun loving cat-about-town, to a mature and stoic alpha male. He would sit on top of the stairs surveying his new young calico charge with a distinct air of superiority with a dash of self-importance. You could almost see him rolling his eyes at her kitten-like antics.

The thing I always loved about having cats is that they're such low maintenance pets. You can leave them alone for the weekend, and as long as you have food and water available they don't even miss you. You don't even have to worry about housetraining them much beyond showing them the litter box, and how to put their paws in the sand and dig. Plus I've always wanted a cat, but due to having a sister and then husband who were deathly allergic, it never happened until I was living on my own after my marriage ended.

Now, as I sit here trying to remember everything the vet told me following Magnus' blood test results, I can't help but feel guilty that maybe I should have been more concerned that he wasn't really eating that much. I should have rushed him right into the vet's clinic when he continued throwing up little teaspoonfuls of bile on the second day. Maybe this is what I get for being so indifferent towards my kitties. I should have given him more attention and played with him more. Maybe I shouldn't have any pets at all because I'm so damn selfish...

If my proud and stately alpha male pulls through this I will never take him or his sister for granted again. I will carve out time for them every day and give them back some of the joy, love and companionship they have given me over the past few years....as if I deserved it.

Happiness is...

2006-10-24T21:39:00.000-04:00

A Gold Star for Bizzy
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

Someone once said that happiness is a journey, not a destination. However many of us continue to trudge through life from one job to the next, one relationship to the next hoping to find happiness...as if it is waiting for us around the next corner.

I have done a lot of soul searching over the past few years as to what exactly it is that would make me 'happy'. Every job I have ever had, and every person I have ever been with has left me disappointed and let down. I have often asked myself, to quote the obsessive-compulsive character recently portrayed by Jack Nicholson, "What if this is as good as it gets?"

I have come to the conclusion that there is only one thing standing between me and my happiness...

...myself.

If your thoughts are your reality, then theoretically I should be able to positively affect my reality with my thoughts. We CHOOSE our thoughts and feelings at any given time. Thus, if I am miserable it is because I choose to be.

In a book I read a few years back called "How to be Happy No Matter What", I took one valuable piece of advice: focus only on the present. You have little control over the future, and absolutely NONE over the past, so why let it get you down? Focus your thoughts and energies on what you are doing RIGHT NOW, and (unless you are sitting in the ER with a critically ill relative or stuck in traffic gridlock) your spirits will be lifted almost immediately.

Take my job, for example. It sucks balls. It is unbelieveably stressful, and I think I may be coming down with an ulcer, and I have a boss from Hell who ain't going anywhere anytime soon. I have a choice: either put up with it or leave. I know where the door is, so I have made the choice to put up with it. Because I am choosing every day to drag myself into work I need to find a way to cope. Instead of choosing to be miserable at work, I find ways to laugh about my boss' ridiculousness and our employees' complete and utter disregard for their assignments, and I encourage my coworkers to do the same.

It's how I keep my sanity.

However in the meantime I am taking action to facilitate another job opportunity for myself. I am taking night school courses in the endeavour to complete my HR studies and obtain certification so that I can eventually find a better job much more suited to my skills and work culture preferences, and one that pays me what I'm worth...unlike my current gig.

I am currently in my fifth course out of ten towards my certificate. Every page of my textbook that I read, every test that I take and every exam that I write brings me one step closer to my goal. Being the only student in my class to score perfect on this last one was just icing on the cake!!!

So I believe that true happiness is built into your character. You can't depend on someone or something to make you happy, as it is not external. You have to learn to adapt to change, see the lighter side and revel in what is awesome in the right here and now to be truly happy. Stop waiting for happiness to come and instead find it right in front of you.

-Bizzy

Happy Birthday to Moi

2006-10-22T17:36:00.000-04:00

Flip my bedroom
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

As I enter my 38th year on this planet (ugh) I am overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of my family and friends.

As a birthday gift, my stepfather wanted to get a couple of rooms in my house painted for me. I was infinitely grateful, as I had semi-started the project myself, only to become daunted when it became more than I could handle. The previous homeowner had painted over some shelves and they were now stuck to the wall. Also the paint they had chosen was not only very dark, but was a semigloss, and the murals of the Looney Tunes characters (the master was formerly a teenage girl's bedroom) were a flat paint. This meant that there would have to be a significant amount of presanding and priming before you could start slapping paint on the walls. This kind of stuff makes me give up.

So away Mike went with the paint chips that Lucy had given me. She is a dear friend of the family and a freelance interior decorater, and had some clear ideas as to what we should do with the rooms. He gathered all the supplies on my list and dug right in.

By my birthday on Wednesday the room was dry. My mother and Lucy came over to get the furniture set up, as I would be taking this bedroom over from my sons, who currently occupied it. The boys were now in my old room. The plan was that Lucy was going to come over on the weekend and get the new bedcovers and window treatments that she had made installed.

What I didn't know what that she had much more planned than she was letting on.

On Friday, not Saturday as I expected, my mother let Lucy into the house and she completely arranged and staged the whole room. She put up new pictures, a new lamp for the bedside table and arranged my dressing table with matching accessories. It was like Trading Spaces when I came home that night and saw it all put together much more beautifully than I ever imagined.

The guest bedroom was finished a few days later, and it looks amazing too. All there is left to do is paint the boys' room and get rid of all the clutter that was pulled out.

My new bedroom rocks. Woot! Thank you everyone for all your efforts. I am truly in your debt.

-Bizzy

Clearing out the clutter

2006-10-16T22:22:00.000-04:00

My coworker's desk
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

"Packrat - n: a person who collects, saves, or hoards useless small miscellaneous items"

"Creative mess is better than tidy idleness"

I have been recently accused of being a hoarder and a bit of a slob. My house is full of stuff that I've accumulated over the years. Despite losing much of my personal property in no less than THREE floods at my former residence, I have still managed to retain a plethora of extraneous items.

Oprah once had a guest on her show who was such a hopeless packrat, that she wouldn't even throw out her trash. I can't identify with this individual, as I do love to get rid of my garbage. However I do know what it's like to have an attachment to an inanimate object to the point where you just can't bring yourself to dispose of it.

My parents, on the other hand, are quite the opposite. They blithely toss out their old, unused items, and have little to no regret after doing so.

My stepfather, gawd bless him, wanted to paint my bedroom for me for my birthday. He emptied out the room (which was the room that my boys were currently using when they visited me on the weekends), primed and painted it, then rearranged everything with the help of my mother and a friend. In the end I had my boys' room and they had mine.

There were many items that were sitting out to be put away after it was all done, most of which were toys belonging to my kids. Most of these toys were not regularly played with, as they had outgrown or become bored with many of them. Mike offered to take them to the Goodwill for me, if I wanted to put them in bags and leave them out for him.

In my busy state of living, I don't have time to go through my clutter, which may be part of the reason that I end up with so much of it. I had gotten started on it, but hadn't had the chance to do much. Also, I found it completely overwhelming to sort through it all, as there was so much of it. Mike helped by bagging up whatever he thought was useless and loading it up into his van.

I got home today and saw that pretty much everything was gone, and I panicked. I called my mother who informed me that he hadn't gone to the Goodwill yet, and that I could come over and go through the stuff to salvage what I wanted.

I arrived at my mother's and began going through the bags of stuff that Mike had loaded into the van. Sorting through the toys, games and childhood artifacts I began to sob uncontrollably. I realized that I just couldn't bring myself to let any of it go. You see, every single little broken or forgotten piece of a plaything had a memory attached to it.

My boys are now gone and living with their father and are soon going to be at an age where they won't want to make the trip to see their mother, and will prefer to stay home and hang with their friends. These 'useless' items are all I have left from when they were little and living with me. I wish I could have the cool detachment that my parents have with their stuff, but instead I am sentimentally connected with most of my children's belongings.

Perhaps the clutter I should be focusing more on is the clutter in my heart.

-Bizzy

It's that time of year again...

2006-10-15T01:39:00.000-04:00

Jack O' Lanterns alight
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

Well Hallowe'en is coming up soon, so the boys and I did our pumpkin carving ritual this weekend. They created their own pumpkin designs from a CD-ROM we have, and did most of the work themselves. I think they did a great job, and I'm very proud of them! Afterwards we turned off all the lights in the house and lit the pumpkins so we could watch them glow.

The boys are getting their costumes ready and looking forward to the 31st with much anticipation. I guess it'll only be a few more years before the customary tromp through the neighbourhood begging for treats is over for them. I remember going out for my thirteenth Hallowe'en and being heckled by my neighbours and admonished that wasn't I getting "just a little too old for this, Cathy???" The truth be told I didn't really care about the candy so much, I was just so reluctant to give up yet another cherished childhood convention.

I can relate to my oldest son a lot at this point. The 'Tweens' is a tough time. All the magic of childhood starts slipping away, and you start going through some seriously dramatic and confusing changes both mentally and physically. I worry about them getting themselves into trouble, and I try to talk to them often to make sure that the lines of communication stay wide open. I want to be the one they come to when they really need to confide in somebody.

In the meantime, I'll keep carving jack-o-lanterns with them, helping them find Easter eggs and prepare cookies and milk for Santa as long as I possibly can....

-Bizzy

The decisions we make

2006-10-11T19:33:00.000-04:00

"These brats are lucky I like them..."
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

These are my children. They are beautiful, brilliant, charming, funny and precocious youngsters, and they are 'mes raisons d'être'.

After my eldest, was born, I stopped working full time to stay home and raise him, and eventually his brother, who was born two years later. When my ex and I split, I retained custodial care of them, although we had the courts state 'joint' on the custody order. I was the primary caregiver from the time they were babies.

In the summer of 2005, I made the difficult decision to allow them to go and live with their father, who resides in a town approximately an hour's drive northwest. I made this decision after months of heartache of watching my oldest son cry himself to sleep each night upon returning from his visitation with his dad, because he 'missed him'. Josh was always very close to his father, and started expressing a deep desire to be with him. On top of this, the boys were entering a very difficult stage, and would challenge me at every turn. They needed a firm hand, and I felt that I was woefully inept at giving them the guidance and direction they so desperately needed.

After much deliberation and discussions with my immediate family, whose opinions I value greatly, I made the decision to allow them to move in with their father. My youngest wasn't completely on board with the idea, but I did not want to break them up. I had grown up apart from my two sisters, and missed out on some wonderful times with them as a result. I was adamant that this would not happen with my kids. Tyssen was only eight years old at the time, and I felt as if he wasn't capable of making such a decision on his own.

So that was almost a year and a half ago. Things have changed drastically for me since the boys went to their dad. I am for all intents and purposes a single woman without the day-to-day responsibility of childcare. However not a single day goes by when I have a moment of fleeting regret for the decision I made. They are happy living with their father, as they have told me, almost sheepishly, asking if I am upset at them for it. Of course I am not, and I don't want them to feel any guilt for being happier.

I feel as if I have lost them forever. The school bus stops on the corner every morning, and it makes me want to sob thinking that I will never again get to put my kids on the bus to school. Pretty soon they will be teenagers, and it will be hard enough to get them to want to make the trip to come and see me on the weekends.

I am in the midst of redecorating my house. We have just repainted Josh's old room and he will be switching rooms with me. Tyssen's old room has a mural of Scooby Doo on the wall. I have to paint over it, and I just can't bring myself to do it. It is like washing away the last remnants of my children's existence in our home. As an antidote, I am going to redo my old bedroom and make it into the boys' room. I intend to make it a family project where they can be involved in the painting and decorating.

I hope that makes it all a little less painful.

-Bizzy

My Flickr Favourites - PART II

2006-10-09T23:10:00.000-04:00

Canadian Autumn
Originally uploaded by froca.

I love autumn. Not because it is the time of year in which my birthday falls, but because I love the fire-orange gown that Nature drapes herself in simply because she can.

Nothing takes my breath away than a scene like this in Algonquin Park, taken by another Flickrite. I was looking forward to my own trip to Algonquin, but didn't end up going. This would have been such a spectacular photo shoot! This is SO the picture I would have taken.

Edward and I headed out east on a road trip this past Sunday, hoping to catch some inspiring scenes. We didn't get many shots of awesome leaves, but we did get some sweet shots of the Cobourg waterfront. Hopefully we'll get to hit the road soon within another couple of weeks and try for the fall foliage once more.

-Bizzy

My Flickr Favourites : PART I

2006-09-20T23:29:00.000-04:00

"everybody on the floor"
Originally uploaded by cybele malinowski.

Red is the colour du jour.

When I see RED in a photo, my eye immediately goes to it. The fact that the main subject is clad in red, matching shoes and all, really makes the picture jump for me.

But what really jumped out at me in this picture was the passion, the closeness, the kindred connection between the two subjects. To me, this picture is the epitome of the kind of relationship I am looking for. I want someone who finds joy and exhilaration in the same things that I do, and who is as excited and full of joy to be with me as I am with him. I am prepared to wait as long as necessary for this.

I wish I had taken this picture! I wish I was the woman in the red dress!

Bizzy ;)

Waiting for a pop fly

2006-09-17T00:56:00.000-04:00

No balls yet
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

It was the boys' first baseball game, and it fell on a weekend that I was picking them up. Their father asked me if I wanted to tag along, as he had four tickets given to him by a friend, and the boys really wanted to go. To be honest, it was the LAST thing I felt like doing, however I knew it would mean a lot to them if I did, so what is a mother to do?

The seats were pretty good: we were in the 200's right behind home plate in the VIP section. There were pretty girls in black dresses with red scarves around their necks taking orders and serving snacks to people. I found this kind of interesting. There were guys too, but mostly girls...all young and pretty. Guess baseball is still very much a man's sport.

We arrived a few minutes late. Tampa Bay was already ahead by one run by the time we got there. The Jay struggled to keep the score down, but by the seventh inning they still hadn't scored. The boys, who were really getting into the spirit, were disappointed and feeling despondent.

Then, the Jays finally got a run. It was the bottom of the ninth when they finally evened the score, and the game went into overtime. The Jays brought out their closer, B.J. Ryan, to pitch, who ended up allowing another run (d'oh!). The game was now 4-3 for the bad guys.

The tension was thick as the crowd loudly heckled stupid mistakes made by the players (a ball dropped by the catcher Zaur that rolled away allowed a base to be stolen). It was the Jays' turn to bat again in the second half of the first OT inning, and they brought out their top batter. I forget his name, but he had an impressive .360 average. With a man on base he managed to hit a homerun and score two runs, leaving the Jays victorious in a dramatic 5-4 win!

A fantastic game, and a great one for the boys' first. I loved how it all happened at the very end....just like in the movies!!! I am certain that my late father, who was a big Jays fan, was there with us in spirit.

Bizzy

Bizzy's riding shotgun

2006-09-11T23:48:00.000-04:00

Bizzy's riding shotgun
Originally uploaded by Bizzy Girl.

Awesome
Wicked
Sick
Amazing

These are some of the choice adjectives I would use to describe my ride on Berardino's Cessna 182 on Sunday afternoon.

I mean, how many of us who are dating can say that they went for an airplane ride around the city just for something to do??? It was a beautiful day...perfect skies and not too much wind. The ride itself wasn't near as bumpy or turbulent as I thought it might be, and the shots I captured were spectacular.

Ber was a good sport and endured the constant camera clicking, and he even wanted to see the shots afterwards. Flying as low as we were (about 2400ft maximum), the view was clear and breathtaking, and seeing my hometown from the sky for the first time was a real trip. We even flew over my old high school. It sure gave me a whole new perspective.

I hope I am lucky enough to be able to go again. Maybe I will even take the controls and try my hand at being the pilot!

'Bravo Indigo Zulu Zulu Yankee' over and out!!!

Remembering Dad...

2006-09-05T22:43:00.000-04:00

One year ago tonight, my Dad passed away.

He was very ill and had been living in a nursing home for three years after his diabetes had wracked his body to the point that his organs were failing on him. He had been on kidney dialysis for ten years - the longest his doctors have ever seen.

He was fading away on us before our very eyes, and we knew he was living on borrowed time. He had always been very lucky to have survived many close calls with his health, and we often joked that he had more lives than a cat, or that he was born under a Lucky Star.

My favourite memory of my Dad was when my oldest son Josh was very little. He called Dad "Boppa", and used to follow him around everywhere asking "Where ya gonin' Boppa? Whatcha doonin' Boppa?" Dad used to talk about that often, and enjoyed those memories very much himself. Josh spoke at Dad's funeral, and hearing him refer to him as Boppa then at age ten, years after he learned to properly pronounce the word "Grandpa", really choked me up.

My phone rang just after midnight one year ago today. I knew instantly what the call was about even before I answered the phone. I was dreading that call, and hoped it would never come, although I knew in my heart it eventually would.

We went to the nursing home to see him, and say our goodbyes. He was in bed, with his head turned to the side as if he was sleeping. He looked very small and frail...even more so than he normally looked. I sat with him for awhile and told him I loved him, and that he should rest now. After battling with his health for decades his war was finally over.

Dad was 66 years old. Father of three and grandfather of five - three of whom he never did meet.
Miss you and love you Daddy, today and always...

Cathy, Pam, Jen, Joshua, Tyssen, Ashley, Abigail and Avery

Evil has a face

2006-08-02T01:16:00.000-04:00

Behold...

Peter Whitmore

For those of you who aren't aware, this sick fuck kidnapped two boys in Saskatchewan just days after the conditions on his parole expired. Read the full story, and then, if you aren't incensed enough, read the article explaining how a convicted pedophile was allowed to be released into society again despite the parole board's concern toward his refusal to deal with his issues.

Nice to know our tax dollars are being well-spent.

The RCMP is now trying to negotiate with this waste of skin, and at the same time trying to preserve his rights.

Fuck the child molesters and rapists and their precious rights! What about the rights of the people they victimized to be safe and free of harm??? Oh Jesus don't get me started.

Let's hope the ordeal is over soon so the families can heal themselves and get on with their lives. My heart goes out to them all.

B.G. >:(

Vexing!

2006-06-03T22:57:00.000-04:00

Just when you think you can trust someone, you let your guard down for a millisecond, and WHAMO! You get it up the tailpipe.

I have two new tenants who have just moved into my basement. One of them is a student at the local college who has been renting a room upstairs from me for about six months. I have been living with her and she has been absolutely no problem. When the basement became vacant and there were no takers after I posted ad after ad, she suggested she and her friend move downstairs and split the rent. I thought it was a perfect situation, because I had developed a good relationship with her over the months she had been living with me, so the person she was recommending had to be trustworthy too, as she vouched for her all the way. They aren't real partiers, and they both work many hours at the local McDonald's when they're not in school, so I figured they'd be studious and quiet tenants.

Well they haven't been living downstairs for a week and they are already having people over all the time. The other girl's boyfriend spent a couple of nights here as well, which is a chronic issue I had with my previous tenant. And so it begins...

Now I spoke with D, my former roomie, and told her that I realize I cannot stop them from having guests, but I am not happy about the situation because it was not what we agreed upon. D and M and I all talked about quiet and not overusing the utilities because they aren't paying for them. Utility usage does increase when there are frequent guests, especially overnight ones, and it is for this reason that I get sticky on the issue. Also I have an older water heater that runs out of hot water after three showers or two large loads of laundry, and cannot sustain more than three full-time residents.

I thought I had made myself clear, however tonight about an hour ago the boyfriend shows up again for a visit. This is obviously going to be an ongoing problem that I am not going to escape, and I'm pissed that I let myself get duped.

I've made up my mind: next time I'm renting to a guy...he'll never be home because he'll always be at his girlfriend's place!

Bizzy ;)

A day off

2006-05-21T15:55:00.000-04:00

Today I am having a day off of my diet and exercise program. I have been a good girl all week long watching what I eat and going to the gym every day, so believe me I have earned it.

This morning for breakfast I had a toasted everything bagel with herb & garlic cream cheese, a medium double double and a cinnamon roll with frosting! For lunch it was a twister wrap from KFC, and for dinner it'll be fish & chips from this kick ass little place just around the corner. Now because it is the two hour season finale of Housewives tonight, I stocked up on junk food to snack on while I bunk down on the couch for the evening. Muahahahaha!!!

Tomorrow it's back in the saddle and back to the regular routine.

I actually find this is a great way to stay on track, particularly if you have a lot of naughty food weaknesses that you can't imagine depriving yourself of indefinitely. I have lost about 7 lbs over the past month, and my goal is to get down to 118 lbs again. Considering I'm barely five feet tall, that shouldn't be an unrealistic goal.

I have been using EATracker to log all of the calories I've consumed through eating and expended through exercising. It is a great way to see just how many calories you have coming and going, but it can be time consuming to keep up.

Relaxation and reflection

2006-04-30T16:54:00.000-04:00

Today my friend Amanda hosted a spa party at her home and invited a few of us over. I wouldn't normally accept such an invitation, however I am hosting a candle party at the end of May and I am expecting Amanda to be there, so I couldn't really decline this invitation now could I?

I went with the thought that I could use something for my very dry hands and cuticles, and figured I'd probably make a small purchase. The company is called BeautiControl. I had never heard of them before, despite the fact that they've been around for twenty-five years! Anyhow they have some gorgeous stuff. We did a mini manicure, mini facial and mini pedicure, and now my face hands and feet are as smooth as a baby's butt. I would have bought more stuff, but with the hand products alone I ended up spending almost 80 bucks, so I thought I'd stop there. It would actually be a fun way to spend an evening with the girls, but I think I'm pushing it by trying to get my friends to come to a spa party AND a candle party, so for now I'll pass.

Now I'm back at home with absolutely no ambition whatsoever. I've got a zillion things that need doing around here, but I am not in the least bit motivated to do them.

Instead I'm going to goof off on the computer Stumbling around on Mozilla. I found and did this really cool quiz to determine my ideal career. To view my results, go here.

Interesting! I have been struggling lately with my decision to follow an HR career path. I really enjoy writing, and have often wondered if journalism is something I should be pursuing instead. Here is more information on my Myers Briggs type. Funny, but the first time I did this test I was rated more of an introvert. Guess my true nature is finally coming out.

Check it out

2006-04-19T00:07:00.000-04:00

If you haven't already done so, check out Skype. It allows you to talk to anyone else in the world for free over the internet. The drawback is they have to be a Skype member as well, but it is still worth a look.

Did some stumbling on Moz today...

Would it interest you to learn how to have a 36-hour day? Check out this blog entry. I have no idea who this guy is, but what a lot of great ideas he has. One day when I have extra time in my day I'll read the full post. Argghh - a paradox!!!!

I found a site that shows you how to properly taste wine. This was very serendipitous, as my new friend and I were pondering this very subject recently over a couple of glasses of cabernet. Learn how to sound like a grape connoisseur here, and impress the pants off your next date! :)

And speaking of dates, ladies check out this site, and learn what Bizzy knew all along: geek guys are not only HAWT, but they are the best dates you could ask for!

B.G. ;)

Random Sunday evening musings

2006-04-09T22:44:00.000-04:00

I bought my very first electric toothbrush yesterday...and I LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!! Why didn't I get one ages ago??? I can't believe the difference - there is no comparison. I'll never go back to a manual toothbrush again.

I have been away from the gym all last week following an injury I sustained Monday during my lower body workout. I believe I damaged my ab muscles. They are still very tender. Do I continue to stay away from the gym for another week, or do I go back and work everything BUT abs for the next while?

Is this person really interested in me? Are we as compatible as it seems? Will he tire of the distance between us and self-select out, or will he be in for the long haul? What is going on inside that adorable head of his??? I wonder when I'm going to see him again...

It is so nice to come home to a clean house...or at least a partially clean house. My house is never completely clean - by the time I get around the entire place the room in which I started has become dirty again. I am not a great housekeeper, and lack the motivation required to keep a house spotless, or near spotless. Clutter and cat hair abounds in my home. Do I have the money to hire a cleaning lady once or twice a month?

I have agreed to rent my basement to two students who will split the rent costs. A significant financial burden has just been lifted. I can now relax and sleep a bit better at night.

And speaking of sleep...it is eleven o'clock, and I should be in bed!

-Biz

What is Love?

2006-04-02T19:38:00.000-04:00

It's an age-old question. For those of us who have to ask, chances are we have never found it. I imagine that it smacks you in the face when you happen upon it, and it can be so profound that it scares you.

At least that's what I've been told.

It's no wonder that many of us are so uptight with our guard up so as to protect ourselves from those who would break our hearts. However the very same shield we brandish can also prevent safe, attentive and caring love from entering. How are we ever to realize this gift if we are not willing to risk heartbreak to find it?

I should be a very jaded woman, with all I've been through. I have never been 'in love' ( unless you count being in love with the hope of a bright future with someone), but rather just controlled and taken for granted. I have been pursued by people that I was not interested in; I have been completely in awe of and excited by someone, but I have never had that experience of finding someone with whom I can be myself and don't have to feel as if I have to act a certain way with them. I have never had that kinship, that feeling of the other person being an extension of me...having so much in common with someone that you are almost the same person. I can see it in my mind's eye, and it is hard to describe in mere words.

I have had that euphoria that you experience when you meet someone whom you think is really cool...when you just can't stop thinking about them...when you just want to do everything you can to make them happy in every possible way.

What is also desirable is that everything you are feeling is being reciprocated by the other person. You are getting back what you are giving out, and there is no one-sidedness. It's about both of you wanting to and trying to make each other's dreams come true. It's about feeling 'safe' with that person.

I think that last statement really hits the nail on the head. I have been in so many relationships in which I didn't feel safe, and I just didn't think to even question it. Now I know better, and if I'm faced with that feeling I'll know what to do.

I remember when my ex-husband and I were engaged and attending premarital counselling with the pastor who was going to officiate at the wedding. He asked us point blank why we wanted to get married. We answered it was because we loved each other of course, however we weren't being honest. We really didn't have an answer, so we just said what we thought he wanted to hear. The truth be told, we had been dating for years and just thought that it was the thing to do. I was twenty-three and wanted desperately to be a wife and mother, and he was pushing thirty and felt he'd invested four years in our relationship by then and didn't want to have to start over again with someone else. We didn't even know what love was. We were idiots.

Why don't the schools have lessons on love and relationships in addition to sexual education? Why aren't more strides being taken to assist young people to go within and learn to understand themselves? Then when they finish high school they are a little bit wiser and understand better the repercussions of choosing an unsuitable partner. I personally don't think this would have helped in my case, but it could conceivably help many other young people.

My eight-year-old was invited over to his 'girlfriend's' house today to hang out with her family. My oldest son reports that he really likes this girl a lot and talks about her all the time. When the time comes, I plan on being there to coach my kids along so they don't make the same mistake their parents did.

B.G. ;)

Six degrees of separation

2006-03-20T19:28:00.000-05:00

This is really cool.

Some folks in China have started an experiment whereby they enlist the help of interested parties to actively test this theory. For those of you not familiar, the theory, originally introduced in 1957, proposes that everyone on the planet can be interconnected by way of four intermediaries or less. The scientific studies supporting the theory were inconclusive, yet still there is strong evidence to suggest that there is something to the notion we are all indirectly connected.

I stumbled upon the site today, and decided to register to be part of the study. I had to enter some basic demographic information and create a username. Then I was given a target - an actual person in China - to try to reach via my own personal contacts.

My uncle lives in Hong Kong, and my target is in Shanghai. I sent him an email telling him what I was trying to do and asking him to either send a message directly to the target (if he knows who she is), or to email someone whom he feels may know who she is. I was given basic demographic information about her to aid in the search.

I am way excited to see how this works out. To garner interest, there is a contest set up complete with prizes for the person who reaches the target first. If you are interested in participating too, go here.

Let's see if it's really as small a world as we think it is!

B.G. ;)

Why some people are destined to be alone

2006-03-11T12:15:00.000-05:00

Ever wondered why someone who is drop dead gorgeous, dynamic, popular, wealthy and seems to have everything going for them is still single? Well wonder no more...

OK. I'm officially out of the closet: I'm an online dater.

I am registered on two sites and have been getting some serious attention. While it's cool having a plethora of potential suitors clamoring for your attention, it can be difficult, if not altogether impossible, to manage them all.

I took myself off the market last year after some disastrous and humourous escapades with some very damaged and confused people. For the full story, follow this link. It was quite a journey. For the record, I was also a little confused myself, and did not have a solid plan as to how I was going to navigate those very choppy waters.

After some deliberation, I am now back online again. I have since learned that to be successful at eDating you have to have plenty of spare time, patience, the discernment of a jury auditor, and a very level head. I've learned that photos only tell half the story, and should not be relied upon as an accurate depiction of an individual who may only be online to have a few cheap kicks.

My experience has taught me that there are many, many creepy characters on these dating sites, and you have to be really careful to separate the wheat from the chaff. The honest, good-natured people are harder to find, but they are there if you just know how to look, and stay objective.

For example, I had a very disturbing experience just last night with a fellow who, at first glance, appeared to be a real catch. He had the looks, an exciting lifestyle, sex appeal, the whole package.

I was reticent to contact him at first, as he was in his forties and had never been married nor had he had any kids. I usually consider this to be a red flag and stay away. However in an effort to be more non-prejudiced, as the good Dr. Phil suggests, I gave him a wink.

He responded immediately and wanted to chat on MSN. He started off the conversation by telling me he was lying naked on his bed and surfing the net on his laptop. I should have ended it right then and there, but instead I went with it to see where it would lead us. This turned out to be a mistake. Things went from naughty to downright depraved, and eventually I had to put him on the spot.

I asked him what it was that he was looking for. He responded that he was looking for what everyone else is looking for - that someone special with whom he can make some plans, and of course with whom he can have amazing sex.

I thought OK, so far we are on the same wavelength.

Then I issued him a dose of reality by telling him that although I have no problem following his lead with this sexy chat stuff, I really wasn't looking for cheap kicks, and that I don't generally tend to jump into bed with someone unless I've been dating them for a couple of months. I have just found in my experience that I tend to get attached to people with whom I get intimate, and it has caused me much grief in the past.

Well he more or less confessed to agreeing that if I wasn't putting out before two months I'm probably not the girl for him. He then went on to say that we weren't likely well-suited anyhow, as I am probably looking for more high end guys, because women are typically shallow.

What you talkin' 'bout Willis???

I reminded the dear fellow that he was talking to a woman, who was a tad offended at his comment, in case that meant anything to him, with an 'LOL' added to lighten the mood a bit. He held fast to his statement, adding other negative generalizations that he had come to believe about women, the fickle, game-playing, non-committal and judgemental nonces that they are.

Wowza.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and added that I, too, had similar negative experiences with men in the past, but instead of condemning them all, I choose to believe that there are still some great guys out there. He quickly concurred with this statement, as if to say 'well d'uh'. Apparently there was a double-standard, and drew his attention to it. I commented that it seemed a little chauvanistic.

Oops...big mistake.

This is when he went completely ballistic ("Did you just call me a chauvanist???") and ended the conversation. I wished him good luck, and closed the screen. He squeezed in the last word by congratulating me for being the biggest game player on the internet, and thus proving his point.

I immediately deleted him from my contact list and blocked him. Then I went onto the dating site and deleted/blocked him there too.

He then sent me an email to my Hotmail account that I got this morning after the website informed him I had blocked him. He cursed at me some more and called me a moron saying how I wouldn't have wanted to be with a man who is out of work and living with his parents anyway.

I'm not kidding.

So, it's true: if someone looks too good to be true, they probably are. Some people - sad as it is - are just fated to walk through this life alone and bitter.

I just wish it didn't bother me so much.

B.G. ;)

Gratitude

2006-02-19T13:38:00.000-05:00

A very good piece of note...

Village of 100!
If Earth's population was shrunk into a village of just 100 people, with all the human ratios existing in the world still remaining, what would this tiny, diverse village look like? Phillip M. Harter, a medical doctor at the Stanford University school of Medicine, attempted to figure out. This is what he found:

57 would be Asian; 21 would be European; 4 would be from the Western Hemisphere; 8 would be African; 52 would be female; 48 would be male

70 would be non-white; 30 would be white; 70 would be non-Christian; 30 would be Christian; 89 would be heterosexual; 1 would be homosexual; 6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth, and all 6 would be from the United States; 80 would live in substandard housing; 70 would be unable to read; 50 would suffer from malnutrition; 1 would be near death; 1 would be pregnant; 1 would have a college education; 1 would own a computer

The following is an anonymous interpretation:
Think of it this way: if you live in a good home, have plenty to eat and can read, you are a member of a very select group. And if you have a nice house, food, can read and have a computer, you are among the very elite.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more fortunate than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are fortunate, more than three billion people in the world can't.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still alive and still married, you are very rare, even in North America.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer a healing touch.

If you can read this message, you are more blessed than over 2 billion people in this world who cannot read at all.

Have a good day...count your blessings.

B.G. ;)

My Valentine...

2006-02-11T20:52:00.000-05:00

...knows when he has it good
...isn't afraid of raw emotion: his or someone else's
...shaves
...is in touch with his world and what's going on in it
...feels the fear and does it anyway
...doesn't take himself too seriously
...loves my kids
...brings flowers for no reason at all
...doesn't sweat the small stuff
...won't find excuses to get out of my family gatherings
...is educated
...gives a damn about his appearance
...knows how to cook
...thinks I'm amazing
...sings and plays guitar
...is patient and understands me
...takes pride in my successes as much as his own
...is the life of the party
...misses me when I'm gone
...looks for ways to better himself
...understands that I need my space

Burning flags for sale

2006-02-08T13:28:00.000-05:00

Can someone please help me understand what the f**k is going on in Islam? The people there are so unbelievably quick to anger and hate. I read with shock in the Globe and Mail yesterday that a local entrepreneur, eager to benefit from the opportunity, stocked up on Danish and Norwegian flags just as the outpouring of rage was beginning over the publication of caricatures of their prophet Mohammed in a Danish newspaper. This guy knew his people would be lining up to buy the flags so they could burn and destroy them to avenge themselves on the 'infidels' who had blasphemously mocked their faith. I can just see him, rubbing his scaly palms together and chuckling quietly to himself as he made sale after sale after sale. At over $10 US a pop, he is likely not selling as many flags as he could, but instead he is going for the top dollar. I wonder if he realizes/cares that he is totally exploiting his people for a buck.

Growing up in a peaceful, democratic country, I suppose I take for granted the lifestyle, freedoms and attitudes to which I am accustomed. In this country, when someone disses you or your religion, one is more likely to just ignore it and not worry so much about what others think and/or say. And as we have many different religious denominations rather than just one prophet, it is far more likely that there are going to be religious clashes from time to time. Take for example my former workplace in Richmond Hill, Ontario. Our office was a real diverse group of people working in a small environment. Staff would openly discuss their faith with one another, and on occasion there would be a disagreement as to which organized religion was the 'correct' one. Never ever did a riot break out over someone making light of another person's beliefs or choosing to denounce the doctrines of said faith.

We really are very lucky - those of us who live in North America and are allowed to practice our chosen faith (or no faith for that matter) without fears of repercussion or ostracization. However at the same time I realize that we need to do our best to understand our differences with other countries, and to that end I try to respect the beliefs of other cultures even when they make no sense to me whatsoever. But I have to draw the line here: any god who tells me that to redeem myself and achieve his favour I must strap 20lbs of plastique onto myself, walk into the middle of a crowded plaza and blow myself up is one whacked out god.

Sorry....

Bizzy the Landlady

2006-01-31T23:24:00.000-05:00

Well I guess technically in the 21st century I'm actually a landLORD, as we are now foregoing all gender references associated with titles. I spent some time tonight in my newly-vacant basement apartment doing some cleaning to prepare for my next tenant - whoever it may be. My previous tenant was a verrrry young mother with a three-year-old son whose father was a humongous loser and had virtually no interest in his son. She has just moved into a house she bought with her boyfriend of about six months after renting from me for almost two years. Smart, huh?

I took the vacuum to the place, and it looks much better. I'm surprised that she didn't leave more junk for me to haul to the dump, as there were only two garbage bags, a broken crib and mattress and a stack of old magazines left behind. After vacuuming I tried to clean the floor, however her son had taken a pen to the vinyl flooring, and...well...let's just say that he might as well have taken magic marker to it...
I tried scrubbing with the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser...nothing. Then I saturated the stains with Clorox bleach cleaner and let it sit for ten minutes, and NOTHING. It didn't even touch it. There are marks like these in a few areas of the floor in the middle of the apartment. If anyone out there has any clue how I can get rid of them, please advise!

Go here for more pics on my basement apartment, and how to contact me if you're interested.

B.G. ;)

King Kong lives

2006-01-28T23:12:00.000-05:00

I finally caught this flick at my local AMC theatre before it went to DVD. The kids had been bugging to see it, so my mother and I took them despite my slight misgivings that there may be some frightening scenes. What an amazing movie! Movies like these are why we have overly expensive huge screen theatres and Oscar awards; why we still spend big bucks to go out to the cinema instead of just waiting for it to come to our local Blockbuster so we can rent it and watch it from the comfort of our own couch at home. I was totally blown away by the computer-animated beast and how they were able to give him some very human qualities. The fight scene between King Kong and the T-Rex was one of the best I've ever seen; and the touching moment between beauty and beast on the frozen pond and at the top of the Empire State building will stay with me for a long time. The only thing that would have made it better, for me at least, would be to 1) leave out the stupid gross scenes of the men getting eaten alive by giant carnivorous worms and grasshoppers, and 2) add some sick 3D effects to make the giant ape jump right off the screen! If you haven't already done so, do yourself a favour and run right out now to catch a viewing before its run in the theatres ends. You'll kick yourself if you don't!

B.G. ;)

These are the voyages of Captain Kirk's kidney stone

2006-01-19T12:17:00.000-05:00

Jeezus H. Kryste can the world get any weirder??? To think that a) someone would willingly dole out $25K for a 10 karat-sized kidney stone that Shatner passed and b) that Shatner, who I thought was as bizarre as people get, would outdo himself and break new ground in the field of poor taste and even entertain the idea of putting the disgusting item up for auction just completely befuddles me. I have decided that I don't want to be a part of this human race anymore...please stop the planet and let me off.

B.G. ;)

Here I go again...

2006-01-16T22:35:00.000-05:00

I've finally finished unpacking from my trip down south, and I'm off again tomorrow morning to Ottawa on business for the week. Good thing I enjoy travelling.

My trip to Hot Springs, AR was mostly to help out my sis with her new baby twins, but we did manage to squeeze in a little R&R. We checked out bathhouse row early on New Year's Eve. Too bad we didn't have a babysitter lined up, as the Arlington Hotel was hosting a cool shindig. It woulda been neat to check that out. It was a gorgeous day like an indian summer, yet the steam was coming off the hot springs as if it was below zero. The architecture inside some of the bathhouses was magnificent. The height of their popularity was between 1900 and 1940, and there is only one bathhouse still in operation today. Al Kapone is rumoured to have visited both the Arlington Hotel and the bathhouses often when he passed through the Hot Springs area. It is said that the hot water coming out of the ground has been deep in the earth's crust for thousands of years, and is thought to have significant healing properties. Before and after our sojourn to Hot Springs we climbed the West and East Mountains to take in the view. It is largely a wooded mountain, and a couple of days after we were there there were severe brush fires in the area that nearly burned out of control. The ground is so dry and arid that they have had to enforce burn bans to avoid forest fires from ravaging the area.

We celebrated New Year's quietly at home and played Texas Hold 'Em between bottle feeds. Exciting stuff! Actually it was nice not having to get all dressed up and go out somewhere for a change. We watched the Ball drop at Times Square, and then hit the hay right after midnight.

Other than the necessary trips to Walmart for sundries and provisions, we didn't do a whole lot of shopping. However Pam did take me out to the mall so I could get my Bath and Body Works fix! We SO need one of those in Canada! No trip to the States is complete without a stop at the BBW!

We did stop to check out a State Park with a lake named after MOI to see where the water level was at. Being as dry as it is, and not having had a decent rainfall in gawd knows how long, the lake was understandably lower than normal. You can see the dock at the right of the photo to see where the water level should be at. Shocking to see how much water is missing.

At any rate, it was a great trip, and although I didn't get much sleep I did come back recharged and rejuvenated after almost three weeks off work. I will not travel late in the day again, however, after BOTH of my flights were delayed significantly. I didn't get home until almost 1am on Monday, and had to get up to go right back to work only five and a half hours later! I also vow to leave myself at least a day to decompress before I have to jump right back into the old routine again. Sheesh.

My trip to Ottawa promises to be paced a bit differently, and I don't know if I'll be able to do any sightseeing as I'll be working most of the time. But I do hope to have a little fun while in our nation's capital. I'll be home Friday night so there'll be lots of time to settle back in before Monday. And if I've got the ambition I just might get started on my bathroom...

B.G. ;)

A quiet weekend at home

2006-01-14T13:22:00.000-05:00

I finally got my unpacking done today...sheesh. The boys are here this weekend and we're going to see The Chronicles of Narnia this afternoon. After that we are heading over to Mum's place for a Saturday dinner of fish & chips. Tomorrow we'll head over to Jen's for a visit with her and little Ashley. I bought her a cute little t-shirt that has wild baby hogs on it that says 'Future Arkansas Razorback'. It's adorable.

I bought a copy of 'Digital Photography for Dummies' so I can learn how to use the bells and whistles on my camera that I haven't figured out yet. The manual tells me how to change the aperture and shutter speed settings, but it doesn't tell me WHY I might want to do these things. I think I have figured out that if my shutter speed is faster I need the flash and my photos will be less blurry, but if I increase the aperture it allows more light in and you may need a tripod to minimize shake? Here is a shot of my kitty with increased aperture and no flash. I was resting the camera on the bed to reduce shake. Not bad, eh?

I have lots of other photos I took during my trip and at Christmas. I have them all on my Flickr account. Feel free to check them out!

I met Mum for lunch yesterday. As we were leaving we ran into an old boyfriend of mine who now works in the mall where my office is. My girlfriend and I used to 'borrow' (steal is more like it) her mother's car without her permission and take joy rides into Scarborough to hang out with him and his friends. One day we got caught, and I was sent to live with my father in Sutton to avoid being charged (it was all my fault, you see - my girlfriend's mother felt I was a bad influence on her daughter when she really had no idea what a rebel her child was). We subsequently broke up, but recently met up again on the job and have been fast friends ever since. The funny thing is that I am WAY out of his league now, and would never consider getting with him again. Yet when we were in our teens he was the cat's ass and I couldn't get enough of him. Who knew? As we were leaving I joked to Mum that the incident was all his fault, causing him to squirm uneasily and hurry on his way. Relaaaaax, dude: it was half our lives ago...it's all water under the bridge now!

B.G. ;)

So THIS is how to do a title!

2006-01-10T23:11:00.000-05:00

I really need to find the time to sit down and figure out how to navigate this site better. I wish I wasn't so darn BIZZY, but I'm a little backlogged now since returning home from my trip. I have so many photos I want to share and so many things I want to blog about, yet such little time!

I am going to have to put an ad in the paper to find a new tenant for my basement apartment, as it is going to be vacant very soon. I had someone sort of lined up for it, but she has decided that she should stay where she is and won't be moving. Sucks because she was someone who was referred to me by a reliable person, and it is so hard to find quality tenants in Ontario with the blasted Tenant Protection Act we have in place. It pretty much gives a landlord ZERO recourse to evict a problem tenant. You REEEAALLLLY want to make sure you have the right person before you go signing any agreements. Aie yie yie...

So I have uploaded all the photos I possibly can to my Flickr account. I am already out of bandwidth for the month. Drat. Guess I'll have to fork over the yearly fee to get the unlimited option. I have quite a few photos since getting my new digicam, and to say that I'm a little snap-happy would be a bit of an understatement. But when the subjects are THIS cute, how can an auntie resist???

B.G. ;)

New Year...new blog space

2006-01-05T15:20:00.000-05:00

I have noticed that bloggers on MSN Spaces often have other blog sites elsewhere. I have often wondered why this is so, and so here I am to follow suit and see how having another blog space will enrich my blogging experience. My main blog site represents hours upon hours of blood, sweat and tears that I have spent turning the site into something meaningful and personal for me. However, having witnessed so many people on MSN randomly losing their blogs for no apparent reason, I am rapidly losing confidence in the site, and flirting with other sites on which to pen my thoughts, peeves and personal opinions and inferences on life in general.

I am currently staying at my sister, Pam's place in Hot Springs, AR. I am here to assist her in managing her new twin daughters, and to help her establish some sort of routine. I will have been here almost two weeks by the time I leave on Sunday afternoon.

Hot Springs is a spa city. The infamous bathhouse row is what the downtown core is best known for. It is said that a syphilis-ridden Al Kapone himself would visit the city just for a renowned therapeutic bath in one of the many such establishments that line the street - only one of which is still in operation today. Tourists can walk up to and wade about in the many open hot springs from which warm, steamy water flows freely. It is quite a sight to behold.

The weather is lovely and warm here in the bible belt. It is currently sitting at 59 degrees, and has been as high as more than 70. Hard to believe it's the dead of winter back home. I'm not looking forward to returning to the harsh Canadian climate, and to my ultra-stressful job!

B.G.