No more bones in the closet

The unplanned child of a young, unmarried Italian-American woman, I was given up for adoption in a town just outside of Toronto, Canada in the fall of 1969. My mother had been quietly ushered out of the country, and away from the only home she had ever known, a quiet community in the midwest, before her belly began to swell so that no one would know, and people wouldn't think poorly of her family. It wouldn't be until after I was born, put up for adoption and officially out of the picture before she would be welcomed back into the fold.

My grandmother, a proud and determined woman, insisted that my existence be completely concealed. She could not have her relatives learn of her daughter's immoral indiscretion. It would shame the entire family. My mother was acutely aware of the fact that she has almost ruined her family's reputation, and spent the rest of her parents' lives trying to make it up to them.

We were reunited in 2000, and a reunion with my grandparents followed in the summer of 2001. It was a cordial visit. We had dinner and listened to my grandfather's lively mealtime banter, but other than this there was no dialogue. They gave me family photos to look at, but no one wanted to know about my life or learn anything about me. I left the meeting feeling emotionally bruised and incredibly disappointed. I longed to build a relationship with my newly found family, but my mother told me that she would never be able to introduce me to any of my relatives while my grandmother was alive. She had to respect her wishes.

On Sunday, August 29th, 2010, my grandmother passed away at the age of 86. The day of the burial there were about 80 friends and family members in attendance. During the luncheon afterward my mother made the official announcement that she had a daughter she gave up for adoption 41 years ago. While the family was excited to hear this news, they were rather shocked that they had kept me a secret all these years. I'm willing to bet that it wouldn't have made any difference to them had they known about me ten years ago.

It will be interesting to see if life outside the closet is all it's cut out to be...