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Borrowed from Patrick's blog.
Dec 19, 2006
What's in a name?
Borrowed from Patrick's blog.
Dec 14, 2006
Today I am Grateful
Well, actually, I am grateful every day, but I just don't stop to take note of it often enough.
Today I feel I am due to give thanks to the Universe for my good fortune. Despite the fact that I am up to my boobs in debt at the time of this writing, I have much to be thankful for.
To begin with, I am infinitely grateful for the fact that because I have some very special people in my life right now, I am able to give my kids a decent Christmas. You know who you are, but in case you don't, I'm going to do some name-dropping...
My stepfather Mike has been part of our family for almost thirty years now, and there has never been a time when we needed something...anything...and he wasn't there for us. Whether we needed someone to come out on a cold night and give us a boost, or to come over and fix a leaky toilet, Mike was and is always ready and willing to help us out. Myself personally, being a single girl living on her own, I have called upon Mike to help me many a time recently. He will come over and watch the boys for me if I have to go out; he took my cat to the vet for me when I couldn't be there; he has picked my drunk ass up from the bar on occasion after a night out with the girls; and helped fix my roof when it was leaking uncontrollably and damaging the ceiling. However the most recent act of kindness that Mike has bestowed upon me was when he found out that I didn't have a Christmas tree to put up. He drove all over town going from store to store until he was able to get the last tree that Canadian Tire had for sale, and brought it by the house last weekend. The kids and I were delighted and we put it up right away. He knows I don't have the money to pay him back yet, but he knows I will eventually.
Another person whom I feel particularly indebted to right now is Ber. I met him online one night when I was checking my emails on a popular dating site. I was just about to log off when he IM'd me. We chatted amicably for a bit and then exchanged email addies. We met for a drink, then lost touch for about a month before reconnecting, and have been enjoying each other's company ever since. This man is incredibly generous, sensitive, loving and thoughtful. He loves to come over to my place and cook dinner for us. He buys all of the ingredients and leaves whatever is left in my fridge. He'll help me clean up afterwards so I don't have to wake up to a messy kitchen. He was very concerned when Magnus became ill and would call me every night for an update and to see how I was doing. His support during that time meant the world to me. However I am completely overwhelmed by his most recent gesture of surprising me with Toys R Us gift cards so that I can get presents for my kids. He knew I was working with a very fixed amount of money...most of which had been donated to me from other people who didn't know what the boys wanted, and asked me to buy things for them. I had told the kids that due to kitty's illness, Mummy wasn't going to be able to put much under the tree this year. My younger son even offered to give me money to help pay for kitty, which touched me deeply. I am completely in this wonderful man's debt, and I feel very lucky to have him in my life.
My bio father, Eric, who just came into my life about six years ago, has been an enthusiastic, loving and generous parent without whom I don't know where I'd be today. From the moment we were first reunited in November 2000, he has been an excited and eager father who gave of himself constantly. He brought me into his family and made me feel as though I truly belonged. He helped me get on my feet financially when my last relationship ended in 2003, and has always done what he could to make my life easier and more enjoyable. He bought me my first digital camera last Christmas, which spurred my current passion for photography and Flickr. He enjoys seeing me happy and getting the most out of life, and for that I am so grateful.
Others who have touched me recently are my mum, who knows I don't eat very well because I won't cook for myself, and saves a plate for me every now and then; my birth mother Joanne, who came to visit recently and bought my groceries that week; my new boss, Ciane, who paid for my dinner at the company Christmas party when the company announced that we wouldn't be getting any funding for holiday parties this year, and I was going to send my regrets because I didn't have to money for my meal; my coworker, Krista, who knew I was having a Christmas tree dilemma and brought over a tree stand for me when I thought of getting a cheap spruce from a roadside vendor to save money, but didn't have a stand to put it in.
Maybe it's that people are more generous this time of year, or maybe it's that I just seem to notice it more. What ever it is, I want to take a moment to give thanks to the powers that be for all of these wonderful people, and hope that soon I will be able to repay them for their wonderful acts of kindness.
Today I feel I am due to give thanks to the Universe for my good fortune. Despite the fact that I am up to my boobs in debt at the time of this writing, I have much to be thankful for.
To begin with, I am infinitely grateful for the fact that because I have some very special people in my life right now, I am able to give my kids a decent Christmas. You know who you are, but in case you don't, I'm going to do some name-dropping...
My stepfather Mike has been part of our family for almost thirty years now, and there has never been a time when we needed something...anything...and he wasn't there for us. Whether we needed someone to come out on a cold night and give us a boost, or to come over and fix a leaky toilet, Mike was and is always ready and willing to help us out. Myself personally, being a single girl living on her own, I have called upon Mike to help me many a time recently. He will come over and watch the boys for me if I have to go out; he took my cat to the vet for me when I couldn't be there; he has picked my drunk ass up from the bar on occasion after a night out with the girls; and helped fix my roof when it was leaking uncontrollably and damaging the ceiling. However the most recent act of kindness that Mike has bestowed upon me was when he found out that I didn't have a Christmas tree to put up. He drove all over town going from store to store until he was able to get the last tree that Canadian Tire had for sale, and brought it by the house last weekend. The kids and I were delighted and we put it up right away. He knows I don't have the money to pay him back yet, but he knows I will eventually.
Another person whom I feel particularly indebted to right now is Ber. I met him online one night when I was checking my emails on a popular dating site. I was just about to log off when he IM'd me. We chatted amicably for a bit and then exchanged email addies. We met for a drink, then lost touch for about a month before reconnecting, and have been enjoying each other's company ever since. This man is incredibly generous, sensitive, loving and thoughtful. He loves to come over to my place and cook dinner for us. He buys all of the ingredients and leaves whatever is left in my fridge. He'll help me clean up afterwards so I don't have to wake up to a messy kitchen. He was very concerned when Magnus became ill and would call me every night for an update and to see how I was doing. His support during that time meant the world to me. However I am completely overwhelmed by his most recent gesture of surprising me with Toys R Us gift cards so that I can get presents for my kids. He knew I was working with a very fixed amount of money...most of which had been donated to me from other people who didn't know what the boys wanted, and asked me to buy things for them. I had told the kids that due to kitty's illness, Mummy wasn't going to be able to put much under the tree this year. My younger son even offered to give me money to help pay for kitty, which touched me deeply. I am completely in this wonderful man's debt, and I feel very lucky to have him in my life.
My bio father, Eric, who just came into my life about six years ago, has been an enthusiastic, loving and generous parent without whom I don't know where I'd be today. From the moment we were first reunited in November 2000, he has been an excited and eager father who gave of himself constantly. He brought me into his family and made me feel as though I truly belonged. He helped me get on my feet financially when my last relationship ended in 2003, and has always done what he could to make my life easier and more enjoyable. He bought me my first digital camera last Christmas, which spurred my current passion for photography and Flickr. He enjoys seeing me happy and getting the most out of life, and for that I am so grateful.
Others who have touched me recently are my mum, who knows I don't eat very well because I won't cook for myself, and saves a plate for me every now and then; my birth mother Joanne, who came to visit recently and bought my groceries that week; my new boss, Ciane, who paid for my dinner at the company Christmas party when the company announced that we wouldn't be getting any funding for holiday parties this year, and I was going to send my regrets because I didn't have to money for my meal; my coworker, Krista, who knew I was having a Christmas tree dilemma and brought over a tree stand for me when I thought of getting a cheap spruce from a roadside vendor to save money, but didn't have a stand to put it in.
Maybe it's that people are more generous this time of year, or maybe it's that I just seem to notice it more. What ever it is, I want to take a moment to give thanks to the powers that be for all of these wonderful people, and hope that soon I will be able to repay them for their wonderful acts of kindness.
Dec 7, 2006
Disappearing Christmas tree
It's official: I am an idiot.
Last year, frustrated beyond belief with my old, hand-me-down artificial Christmas tree that didn't assemble properly and just looked like crap, I threw it out. My plan was to get a brand new pre-lit tree, so I wouldn't have to worry about stringing lights, which I always hated doing and could never get them looking quite right anyway.
Well that was my plan.
Fast forward one year. The first week of December is almost over, and I still have no replacement tree. Why, you ask? Well you see about a week ago I was desperately crunching numbers in my bank accounts, credit card and line of credit to figure out a way I could pay the vet the $2,800 I owed him for my kitty, who was deathly ill and facing euthanasia. I still owe the vet about $600, and I have absolutely NO money left over for groceries or Christmas presents...let alone a stupid Christmas tree.
Great. My kids are spending Christmas at my place this year, and they already know there won't be anything from Mummy under the tree, now they aren't going to even have a tree!!!
Can it get any worse?
Why oh why didn't I take advantage of the post-Christmas clearances at Walmart or Canadian Tire last year and buy a damn tree then??? Why didn't I set aside a few extra bucks so that I could at least buy a real tree and a stand to use this year? Why, why, why???
Because I'm an idiot...that's why.
Last year, frustrated beyond belief with my old, hand-me-down artificial Christmas tree that didn't assemble properly and just looked like crap, I threw it out. My plan was to get a brand new pre-lit tree, so I wouldn't have to worry about stringing lights, which I always hated doing and could never get them looking quite right anyway.
Well that was my plan.
Fast forward one year. The first week of December is almost over, and I still have no replacement tree. Why, you ask? Well you see about a week ago I was desperately crunching numbers in my bank accounts, credit card and line of credit to figure out a way I could pay the vet the $2,800 I owed him for my kitty, who was deathly ill and facing euthanasia. I still owe the vet about $600, and I have absolutely NO money left over for groceries or Christmas presents...let alone a stupid Christmas tree.
Great. My kids are spending Christmas at my place this year, and they already know there won't be anything from Mummy under the tree, now they aren't going to even have a tree!!!
Can it get any worse?
Why oh why didn't I take advantage of the post-Christmas clearances at Walmart or Canadian Tire last year and buy a damn tree then??? Why didn't I set aside a few extra bucks so that I could at least buy a real tree and a stand to use this year? Why, why, why???
Because I'm an idiot...that's why.
Nov 26, 2006
Never too Bizzy...
It is so hard to believe as I look at these photos of my six-year-old, alpha male cat that I took just last weekend, that he is now at the vet clinic quite sick...possibly with a life-threatening illness.
When we brought Magnus home six years ago in October of 2000, I thought he was a female, and I named him Maggie. When we realized our error we had already been calling him by this name for a while, so - not wanting to confuse him - we masculinized the name to Magnus. It turned out to be quite a fitting moniker, with him growing to be a very large-sized kitty (Magnus is Latin for 'large').
His mother was polydactyl, and she passed this trait along to each of her three kittens. Magnus was always a conversation starter around our place when people would notice his ping pong paddle-shaped paws. Watching him swat at my mother's West Highland terrier, Barney, when they would come for a visit was always enormously entertaining.
His mother gave him something else before he was taken from her...fleas. For the first few days after we brought him home I had to give him flea baths to rid him of the infestation. He would cling to my rubber-gloved forearms as I held him under the showerhead. I remember the long, red scratches that his little claws left on me after a bathing session. Ironically enough he ended up developing a fondness for the water, and would often hop into the tub while my kids were bathing. It made for some very interesting photo ops.
Before he got very big, he was known for climbing to the top of the wicker shelf, and then meowing loudly to be rescued because he couldn't get himself down again. He would also find perches in the most unusual of places, such as on top of my computer monitor, or between the desk and the sliding keyboard tray below it. Another favourite place to install himself was in a laundry basket full of warm clothes right out of the dryer. He still enjoys the latter to this day.
An indoor cat, Magnus longed to go outside. Following the advice of my vet at the time, I allowed him outside on a tether fastened to a stake in the ground so he could wander, sniff, munch on some grass, and otherwise mark his territory. We did this because we had a large cat population in the neighbourhood, and he was driven nearly insane by all the other male cats that would come around, taunting him from outside the living room window. He ended up spraying our bedclothes in an attempt to assert himself and claim his territory. After we started letting him outside supervised he never sprayed again.
Magnus' personality changed dramatically when we added Hermione to the mix two years later. He went from being mischievous, fun loving cat-about-town, to a mature and stoic alpha male. He would sit on top of the stairs surveying his new young calico charge with a distinct air of superiority with a dash of self-importance. You could almost see him rolling his eyes at her kitten-like antics.
The thing I always loved about having cats is that they're such low maintenance pets. You can leave them alone for the weekend, and as long as you have food and water available they don't
even miss you. You don't even have to worry about housetraining them much beyond showing them the litter box, and how to put their paws in the sand and dig. Plus I've always wanted a cat, but due to having a sister and then husband who were deathly allergic, it never happened until I was living on my own after my marriage ended.
Now, as I sit here trying to remember everything the vet told me following Magnus' blood test results, I can't help but feel guilty that maybe I should have been more concerned that he wasn't really eating that much. I should have rushed him right into the vet's clinic when he continued throwing up little teaspoonfuls of bile on the second day. Maybe this is what I get for being so indifferent towards my kitties. I should have given him more attention and played with him more. Maybe I shouldn't have any pets at all because I'm so damn selfish...
If my proud and stately alpha male pulls through this I will never take him or his sister for granted again. I will carve out time for them every day and give them back some of the joy, love and companionship they have given me over the past few years....as if I deserved it.
Oct 24, 2006
Happiness is...
Someone once said that happiness is a journey, not a destination. However many of us continue to trudge through life from one job to the next, one relationship to the next hoping to find happiness...as if it is waiting for us around the next corner.
I have done a lot of soul searching over the past few years as to what exactly it is that would make me 'happy'. Every job I have ever had, and every person I have ever been with has left me disappointed and let down. I have often asked myself, to quote the obsessive-compulsive character recently portrayed by Jack Nicholson, "What if this is as good as it gets?"
I have come to the conclusion that there is only one thing standing between me and my happiness...
...myself.
If your thoughts are your reality, then theoretically I should be able to positively affect my reality with my thoughts. We CHOOSE our thoughts and feelings at any given time. Thus, if I am miserable it is because I choose to be.
In a book I read a few years back called "How to be Happy No Matter What", I took one valuable piece of advice: focus only on the present. You have little control over the future, and absolutely NONE over the past, so why let it get you down? Focus your thoughts and energies on what you are doing RIGHT NOW, and (unless you are sitting in the ER with a critically ill relative or stuck in traffic gridlock) your spirits will be lifted almost immediately.
Take my job, for example. It sucks balls. It is unbelieveably stressful, and I think I may be coming down with an ulcer, and I have a boss from Hell who ain't going anywhere anytime soon. I have a choice: either put up with it or leave. I know where the door is, so I have made the choice to put up with it. Because I am choosing every day to drag myself into work I need to find a way to cope. Instead of choosing to be miserable at work, I find ways to laugh about my boss' ridiculousness and our employees' complete and utter disregard for their assignments, and I encourage my coworkers to do the same.
It's how I keep my sanity.
However in the meantime I am taking action to facilitate another job opportunity for myself. I am taking night school courses in the endeavour to complete my HR studies and obtain certification so that I can eventually find a better job much more suited to my skills and work culture preferences, and one that pays me what I'm worth...unlike my current gig.
I am currently in my fifth course out of ten towards my certificate. Every page of my textbook that I read, every test that I take and every exam that I write brings me one step closer to my goal. Being the only student in my class to score perfect on this last one was just icing on the cake!!!
So I believe that true happiness is built into your character. You can't depend on someone or something to make you happy, as it is not external. You have to learn to adapt to change, see the lighter side and revel in what is awesome in the right here and now to be truly happy. Stop waiting for happiness to come and instead find it right in front of you.
-Bizzy
I have done a lot of soul searching over the past few years as to what exactly it is that would make me 'happy'. Every job I have ever had, and every person I have ever been with has left me disappointed and let down. I have often asked myself, to quote the obsessive-compulsive character recently portrayed by Jack Nicholson, "What if this is as good as it gets?"
I have come to the conclusion that there is only one thing standing between me and my happiness...
...myself.
If your thoughts are your reality, then theoretically I should be able to positively affect my reality with my thoughts. We CHOOSE our thoughts and feelings at any given time. Thus, if I am miserable it is because I choose to be.
In a book I read a few years back called "How to be Happy No Matter What", I took one valuable piece of advice: focus only on the present. You have little control over the future, and absolutely NONE over the past, so why let it get you down? Focus your thoughts and energies on what you are doing RIGHT NOW, and (unless you are sitting in the ER with a critically ill relative or stuck in traffic gridlock) your spirits will be lifted almost immediately.
Take my job, for example. It sucks balls. It is unbelieveably stressful, and I think I may be coming down with an ulcer, and I have a boss from Hell who ain't going anywhere anytime soon. I have a choice: either put up with it or leave. I know where the door is, so I have made the choice to put up with it. Because I am choosing every day to drag myself into work I need to find a way to cope. Instead of choosing to be miserable at work, I find ways to laugh about my boss' ridiculousness and our employees' complete and utter disregard for their assignments, and I encourage my coworkers to do the same.
It's how I keep my sanity.
However in the meantime I am taking action to facilitate another job opportunity for myself. I am taking night school courses in the endeavour to complete my HR studies and obtain certification so that I can eventually find a better job much more suited to my skills and work culture preferences, and one that pays me what I'm worth...unlike my current gig.
I am currently in my fifth course out of ten towards my certificate. Every page of my textbook that I read, every test that I take and every exam that I write brings me one step closer to my goal. Being the only student in my class to score perfect on this last one was just icing on the cake!!!
So I believe that true happiness is built into your character. You can't depend on someone or something to make you happy, as it is not external. You have to learn to adapt to change, see the lighter side and revel in what is awesome in the right here and now to be truly happy. Stop waiting for happiness to come and instead find it right in front of you.
-Bizzy
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