So another weekend has come and gone. Now I'm just chilling out and getting ready for the busy week ahead.

I have been told I am to stay on until the end of April, and beyond that...who knows? I have to stop expecting so much from people and life in general. I actually started feeling disappointed when the manager told me that the person I'm replacing would eventually be reclaiming the job instead of being given a job in another department. Why would I do that to myself? I know I am kicking ass and taking names at this job, and cleaning up a lot of her mess, but why would I ever convince myself that they would recognize I am better at the role than she is and decide to give the job to me? I must be absolutely insane. To expect a large global company such as this to have loyalty to me like I have to them is an exercise in exasperation.

I am trying a new recipe today that I'm excited about. It's salmon grilled with fresh rosemary and garlic, and I can't wait to taste it!

These Dreams, Vol. 2

This one is taken from a journal entry dated 21 September 2005, just a couple of weeks after my Dad passed away...

I was in the mall at lunch (?) shopping. I wanted to find a pair of pants, so I was on my way to the store that I thought would have them when I saw (my cousin) Brian and his wife. He dyed his hair blond. It was odd they were still in town (after the funeral). I told myself I'd look for them on my way back (from getting my pants). Didn't find the pants because I never made it to the store. Some guy was trying to get me to listen to his spiel about changing your name after getting married. I then went to find Brian again, but couldn't. I ended up at the food court. I was looking at my blog somehow on a microfiche-type screen and talking to my mother on the phone (?). I...kept seeing people resembling Dad around me. They were dressed in white and they would come one at a time. They would smile at me - and I took it to be a sign from Dad. Then I was driving with Dad (?) and had to stop to empty a spray bottle on Eric's (my biological father) lawn. He wasn't happy, so I wrote a note on his poodle, but removed it (before he could see it)....

What I notice in many of the dreams I have had is that I'm always on a mission to do something, but for some unknown reason it never gets done. I have heard from experts that it is the seemingly insignificant parts of the dream that should get the most attention, as they often hold the strongest message.

These Dreams, Vol. 1

Taken from my journal dated 6 June 2004, the year before my kids went to live with their father:

I want to remember this dream I just had: I was with Scott (my ex-husband), but as Josh (my eldest son). Staying over at his house one night (it was all at nighttime - very dark and hard to see), I had a nightmare. I was trying to wake myself up from it, and I couldn't. I had opened my eyes in the dream, and all I could see was red flashing lights that reminded me of scary eyes, and dark, macabre shadows. My struggle to wake up was in vain, so I began kicking and thrashing about in the dream and screaming "Dad! Dad!" until my hoarse, boy-like voice was swallowed up in the dream state where you try to scream, but can't. Soon I could vaguely make out Scott's figure and presence appearing intertwined with the liquid blackness of my nightmare. He knew that I wasn't really Josh, yet he was there by my side, holding my hand, with the doubt and reserve that he has in any instance that involves me, yet despite his feelings about me he still came. He stayed with me as I awoke, and assisted me as I struggled to keep the demons away. I asked him to please not leave because I was still seeing scary images even though I was now out of bed. I remember grabbing at him imploring him to stay because I was still struggling with the nightmare. I seem to remember him telling me it was OK. We both knew I wasn't really Josh (sleeping on the bottom bunk), but the fact that he was there for me in spite of it made a significant impression, which led to me writing them down so I wouldn't forget it.

It's a Good Friday

Ah, nothing like a long weekend to rejuvenate the soul and refresh the spirit! Today I am doing nothing much at all (my favourite weekend activity), including NOT observing the holiday other than to have a hot cross bun for breakfast and fish for dinner (I'm being invited for fish & chips with family tonight, and it would behoove me not to accept an offer to be fed).

Note to self: Add the fact that I am a "former Roman Catholic cult member who has since seen the light" to profile.

Another thing I am not doing this weekend is even thinking about work. At least that was the plan until I got an invite to go out on a date from a customer with whom I am working very closely. I was blown away....never saw it coming! A very nice guy, but I obviously wouldn't be available for a Saturday date on this short notice anyhow. Besides...I get a little queasy at the thought of dating someone at work. I just don't see how it can be done without affecting the professional relationship, and I'm sure my employer would frown on it. So I politely declined.

And speaking of the job, I am hoping to get some direction over the next week or so as to where things are going. That is, whether or not I will be kept on in this role (I'm currently replacing someone on medical leave), or if I'll be finishing up at the end of the month. Right now I'm going month to month, which makes planning for the future a bit impossible.

A book I am probably going to buy this weekend is The Secret. I find the concepts within it fascinating and exciting, but ridiculously simple...so simple actually that it's no wonder we would miss it as the human race seems to have evolved to the point of not being able to see the forest for the trees.

Happy Easter, for those of you who, unlike me, are observing!